Wah piang today scary sia...
went to see doctor in Teban area...
then went JP with mum...
went to eat Burger King... and there the shocks started...
first, I saw yasmine.
WTH?!?! didn't expect to see her lorh...
with a bunch of her dance frens...
my God did I freak out there!!!
That wasn't the worst.
Later I went to Converse on 2nd floor...
and there at the crepe stall...
I SAW EN CHYEE.
MY GOD!!!!!
I totally like freak out there and then...
And back downstairs I even asked yasmine did she see En Chyee at all!!!
MY GOD!!! CAN ANYTHING BE SO... COINCIDENTAL?!?!?!
Maybe some of you ppl know her as the CSS girl I mentioned sometimes...
Or the girl called devious K.
Nvr mind...
The sheer sight of her made me totally go nuts...
Man I was SO NERVOUS!!!
gaah...
Then later, my mum bought me a new Converse schoolbag.
AND THEN I LOST SIGHT OF HER THEN!!!
WLAU!!!
sigh...
Maybe that wasn't my time or her time...
It's hard to see someone you love and miss after so long...
Missed you, Devious K...
sigh again...
I want school to start!!!
I want to see my classmates!!!
I want to prove that I HAVED CHANGED FOR THE BETTER IN THE HOLS!!!
I WANT TO HAVE FRIENDS!!!
sigh...
maybe I'm destined to be a loner after so long...
same as her...
off to read some books at the library...
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
ok this post is gonna be damn long and angry and emo and whatever you call it.
I fell sick over the weekend...
wow...
cold and cough...
and stupid cca to bother with...
and talking about cca,
I HAVE TO PERFORM SOME SOPPY LOVE SONG WITH ONLY THE GUYS IN CHOIR DURING FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.
AND GUESS WHAT SONG IS IT?
"KISS THE GIRL" IN THE MOVIE "THE LITTLE MERMAID."
wtbfh...
don't feel like performing...
Don't even wanna perform for SYF...
sick of cca already...
seems like our batch of yr 3 seniors in Choir will lose GWH this time with thefucking low standard of choir...
BECAUSE THEFUCKING JUNIORS DON'T EVEN GIVE A DAMN ABOUT CHOIR AND DRAG THOSE WHO WORK HARD LIKE ME DOWN FOR NOTHING!!!!!
And by then when we perform on stage that soppy love song, chances are I'll get catcalled by my classmates...
TOTAL EMBARASSMENT.
wtfh...
And now I find myself smitten by my junior...
wow...
I want to be accepted by the class, so at least I can go out with you guys, at least I have friends who really care for me in my class, at least I am not left alone like an outcast.
I never asked for this...
BUT WOULD THE CLASS UNDERSTAND?
WOULD ANYONE BE WILLING TO BE MY FRIEND?
CAN SOMEONE COME AND ASSURE ME THAT EVERYTHING IS ALRIGHT, THAT I AM NOT UNWANTED BY THE CLASS, THAT I HAVE SOME WORTH IN ME FOR THE CLASS, THAT I CAN LEAD THE CLASS, THAT I CAN SURVIVE MY STUDIES IN RV, AND CAN I EVER HAVE A SOULMATE IN SCHOOL?!?!
enough emoing...
god bless me...
and pray hope that some kind soul who reads all this can come an reassure and comfort me...
for I am at my tether's end...
I fell sick over the weekend...
wow...
cold and cough...
and stupid cca to bother with...
and talking about cca,
I HAVE TO PERFORM SOME SOPPY LOVE SONG WITH ONLY THE GUYS IN CHOIR DURING FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.
AND GUESS WHAT SONG IS IT?
"KISS THE GIRL" IN THE MOVIE "THE LITTLE MERMAID."
wtbfh...
don't feel like performing...
Don't even wanna perform for SYF...
sick of cca already...
seems like our batch of yr 3 seniors in Choir will lose GWH this time with the
BECAUSE THE
And by then when we perform on stage that soppy love song, chances are I'll get catcalled by my classmates...
TOTAL EMBARASSMENT.
wtfh...
And now I find myself smitten by my junior...
wow...
I want to be accepted by the class, so at least I can go out with you guys, at least I have friends who really care for me in my class, at least I am not left alone like an outcast.
I never asked for this...
BUT WOULD THE CLASS UNDERSTAND?
WOULD ANYONE BE WILLING TO BE MY FRIEND?
CAN SOMEONE COME AND ASSURE ME THAT EVERYTHING IS ALRIGHT, THAT I AM NOT UNWANTED BY THE CLASS, THAT I HAVE SOME WORTH IN ME FOR THE CLASS, THAT I CAN LEAD THE CLASS, THAT I CAN SURVIVE MY STUDIES IN RV, AND CAN I EVER HAVE A SOULMATE IN SCHOOL?!?!
enough emoing...
god bless me...
and pray hope that some kind soul who reads all this can come an reassure and comfort me...
for I am at my tether's end...
Monday, December 15, 2008
Ziyi told me to do this quiz she ripped from Chenxi's blog. Haha..
Rules:
1.each player of this game start of with 10 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself.
2.people who get tagged have to write 10 thing little known facts.
3.the end you need to choose 10 people to tag and list out their names.
4.No tag back the person who tagged you
Ok so here's the 10 stuff:
1) I have a soft spot for dark chocolate.
2) I wished I had a bathtub at home. (hehe i soaked in a tub for 1 HOUR straight in Penang.
3) I only listen to songs I like, and not because I like the singers.
4) I once scored 6 hockey goals in primary school within 15 minutes. (REALLY!!!)
5) I only use Pilot G2 pens, and any other pens won't do for me.
6) I am very emo at times.
7) I like walking in the rain.
8) I cannot watch horror movies.
9) I almost got to go to Hokkaido next year!!! Until all the trips full house...
10) I am VERY VAIN about my hair.
My name :
A: you like to drink
B: you like people
C: you are really silly
D: you like to eat
E: you like to play with dogs
F: you are dead sexy
G: you never let people tell you what to do
H: you have good personality and good looks
I: easy to be with
J: people adore you
K: you are wild and crazy
L: everyone loves you
M: best kisser ever
N: best GF/BF anyone could ask for
O: easy to fall in love with
P: you are popular with all types of people
Q: you are a tomboy
R: you are loyal to those who love you
S: crazy
T: awesome kisses
U: you really like to chill
V: awesome in bed
W: you are very broad minded
X: you love sports
Y: best GF/BF anyone could ask for
Z: always ready
Ok so here's my name:
Rules:
1.each player of this game start of with 10 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself.
2.people who get tagged have to write 10 thing little known facts.
3.the end you need to choose 10 people to tag and list out their names.
4.No tag back the person who tagged you
Ok so here's the 10 stuff:
1) I have a soft spot for dark chocolate.
2) I wished I had a bathtub at home. (hehe i soaked in a tub for 1 HOUR straight in Penang.
3) I only listen to songs I like, and not because I like the singers.
4) I once scored 6 hockey goals in primary school within 15 minutes. (REALLY!!!)
5) I only use Pilot G2 pens, and any other pens won't do for me.
6) I am very emo at times.
7) I like walking in the rain.
8) I cannot watch horror movies.
9) I almost got to go to Hokkaido next year!!! Until all the trips full house...
10) I am VERY VAIN about my hair.
My name :
A: you like to drink
B: you like people
C: you are really silly
D: you like to eat
E: you like to play with dogs
F: you are dead sexy
G: you never let people tell you what to do
H: you have good personality and good looks
I: easy to be with
J: people adore you
K: you are wild and crazy
L: everyone loves you
M: best kisser ever
N: best GF/BF anyone could ask for
O: easy to fall in love with
P: you are popular with all types of people
Q: you are a tomboy
R: you are loyal to those who love you
S: crazy
T: awesome kisses
U: you really like to chill
V: awesome in bed
W: you are very broad minded
X: you love sports
Y: best GF/BF anyone could ask for
Z: always ready
Ok so here's my name:
W: You are very broad-minded. (wow... but I dunno where am I broad minded... ahah...)
O: Easy to fall in love with. ( YOU KIDDING?!?! HELL MAN I JUST GOT REJECTED BY THE FIRST GIRL I EVER LOVED IN RV AND YOU SAY THAT?!?!)
N:You are the best GF/BF anyone can ask for. ( True... in my thinking that is... since I am not a Romeo like so many guys now...)
G:You never let people tell you what to do. ( true again.)
M: Best kisser ever. ( er... this one I dunno... but hopefully yeah... hehe...)
I: Easy to be with. ( well if you know me good enough it's actually true!)
N: Best GF/BF anyone can ask for. ( wow I have so many n's in my name... just that SOME ppl do not know how to appreciate my love...)
G: You never let ppl tell you what to do. ( yep...)
J: People adore you. (MY ASS LARH!!! IF THIS IS TRUE, THEN I AM SHAOWEI AND GET A WHOLE FLOCK OF SOPPY LOVESICK GIRLS FAWNING AROUND HIM!!! TAKE THAT!!!)
U: You really like to chill. (er... chill wad? My socks?)
N: best GF/BF anyone can ask for. ( thanks... but who'd appreciate it? Not MISS _______.)
Done again...
Ok ppl to tag:
Victoria
Shereen
Jiarong
Alvin
er... dunno who else leh...
Nvr mind larh... heck care if it's too little...
*coughcoughsneezewheeze*
Sick with the flu...
oww...
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
gaah...
stupid kerosene...
went to soak firewood in school for choir camp...
smelly kerosene...
and dunno who said that he brought THREE LIGHTERS there...
haha...
CP is still on next year.
So, by then, let's call a showdown.
Nervous?
Not really.
Angry?
A bit.
vengeful?
A LOT.
crackkkkkzzzzzzz.......
give 'em hell boys.
stupid kerosene...
went to soak firewood in school for choir camp...
smelly kerosene...
haha...
CP is still on next year.
So, by then, let's call a showdown.
vengeful?
A LOT.
crackkkkkzzzzzzz.......
give 'em hell boys.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Year 4's a comin'.
And this past three years have been a rough one for me both physically and emotionally and mentally.
Suddenly find myself in a very reflective mood for these past few years.
Year 1, I was just a greenhorn fresh out of primary school, living in a world where I play back hand deals, play class politics, and just finding my identity.
some of you may still remember that Madagascar thingy that I pulled off almost singlehandedly at the yr 1 orientation night.
Forgot the other classes' acts.
but then that was maybe the last time I was a childish person who knew nothing of the world though he thought he did.
1/2K showed me the dark side of the world.
Where you were a nobody, a mere statistic only for ceremonial purpose.
MY closest chances at power was at the beginning of that year.
And perhaps the only one that could have happened.
Enemies abound.
repeated visits to Mrs Look and the counsellor came about.
I got labelled as a mentally instable person, made to go to CGC for treatment, one that ahs traumatised me till now.
Trouble continued into Yr 2.
anger and animosity bred between the class and me till breaking point.
Then came my one and only coup on the class.
An act ofrevenge and personal vengeance to the ones who hurt me the most.
And that effectively secured me a peaceful 2 months in yr 2.
One that ironically broke my resolve to transfer to Commonwealth Secondary.
Year 3 came as a new promise for me.
A new start for me in a new class.
Met him for the first time.
a person that would become my hated enemy now.
but ironically, then he was one of my best pals.
Tried to run another challenge for chairperson again.
failed when the teachers thwarted it by appointing the two CPS.
One year of emotional turbulence.
Where I found out just how weak and fragile my heart was.
A year where I found my commitment to her tested by someone else in my school.
I've always avoided scandals from yr 1.
Since i considered my heart reserved for that someone in CSS.
until she came along.
The past half a year had been hell for my emotional soul.
I've sworn my vengeance on two of my classmates.
One who had been a friend before.
Another who thought he was Jay Chou.
My heart was ravaged by the firestorm and hell that I went through to get her heart.
Instead, now I think she hates me.
Even though i really seek closure from her,
but somehow i still cannot forget and forgive her coldheartness in rejecting me.
Now i find myself cut loose from both shores.
And feeling a funny sense of sorrow and vengeance towards the person I still love.
I feel like Bond losing Vesper Lynd.
People keep saying that I am a brat, detached from reality and living in a fictional world where i am always right.
People say that I'm bossy.
People say I'm hypocritical.
People say that I'm rude and coldmannered.
But I never was like that.
Only the storms of time made me like this.
An angered and inconsolable soul who feels mistreated by the world.
I do not deny my mistakes.
i am still learning to understand,
something she said I could never do.
But I will prove her wrong.
I want to exact revenge on the persons who hurt me the most.
I want to earn her trust and love again.
I want the power and prestige that had always eluded me.
But at what cost?
I wonder if I can sustain myself next year again.
Somehow I miss the class now.
But somehow I still cannot find courage to face the class and her again.
I don't know why, but there is always this incomprehensible feeling in me.
I find myself being too sentimental for my comfort as well as others' comfort.
The more I want to be coldblooded and detach myself from the class,
I find myself holding onto the class and a lost love still.
I hate being a two-timer,
yet somehow I am becoming one.
These years I've grown a lot.
I've become harsher like the cold wintry wind.
I've become more motivated by a cause and sometimes vengeance.
I've taken a lot of cold shoulders from the class.
But then, I have learnt from my mistakes.
I have learnt to listen, though I find myself not listening enough.
I have to learnt to respect others, though I am still motivated by revenge and hatred sometimes.
Most of all, I learnt that I am a mortal like everyone,and not some messianic presence or kingmaker.
And I faced my biggest challenge yet.
One that tested my will, my heart and my conscience.
I missed talking to you as a friend.
Though you said that some things that I do make you able to talk to me,
but i feel I've not done enough.
Perhaps my actions now are not enough to absolve my previous sins to you.
But I will try my best.
Going into year 4, I still don't know who I really am.
Or what is the dearest to me now.
Or what should I do to be with the class again.
But I guess that these will straighten out by themselves by then.
And somehow, till the end of all things,
I can finally be the person I always wanted to be,
and face everyone with a clear conscience.
And to someone:
"You have no idea how hard you hurt me, but I won't dwell on the past. I can and will forgive you, and hope to start anew. But what are the chances of you accepting me? I put it at 10%, but someone else thinks it's 20%. Life is like a gamble. Doesn't matter whether you win or lose yet, but as long as you still have the stakes, you will still have a chance. I hope I have some stakes left, and hopefully I'll earn your trust and love again."
And this past three years have been a rough one for me both physically and emotionally and mentally.
Suddenly find myself in a very reflective mood for these past few years.
Year 1, I was just a greenhorn fresh out of primary school, living in a world where I play back hand deals, play class politics, and just finding my identity.
some of you may still remember that Madagascar thingy that I pulled off almost singlehandedly at the yr 1 orientation night.
Forgot the other classes' acts.
but then that was maybe the last time I was a childish person who knew nothing of the world though he thought he did.
1/2K showed me the dark side of the world.
Where you were a nobody, a mere statistic only for ceremonial purpose.
MY closest chances at power was at the beginning of that year.
And perhaps the only one that could have happened.
Enemies abound.
repeated visits to Mrs Look and the counsellor came about.
I got labelled as a mentally instable person, made to go to CGC for treatment, one that ahs traumatised me till now.
Trouble continued into Yr 2.
anger and animosity bred between the class and me till breaking point.
Then came my one and only coup on the class.
An act of
And that effectively secured me a peaceful 2 months in yr 2.
One that ironically broke my resolve to transfer to Commonwealth Secondary.
Year 3 came as a new promise for me.
A new start for me in a new class.
Met him for the first time.
a person that would become my hated enemy now.
but ironically, then he was one of my best pals.
Tried to run another challenge for chairperson again.
failed when the teachers thwarted it by appointing the two CPS.
One year of emotional turbulence.
Where I found out just how weak and fragile my heart was.
A year where I found my commitment to her tested by someone else in my school.
I've always avoided scandals from yr 1.
Since i considered my heart reserved for that someone in CSS.
until she came along.
The past half a year had been hell for my emotional soul.
I've sworn my vengeance on two of my classmates.
One who had been a friend before.
Another who thought he was Jay Chou.
My heart was ravaged by the firestorm and hell that I went through to get her heart.
Instead, now I think she hates me.
Even though i really seek closure from her,
but somehow i still cannot forget and forgive her coldheartness in rejecting me.
Now i find myself cut loose from both shores.
And feeling a funny sense of sorrow and vengeance towards the person I still love.
I feel like Bond losing Vesper Lynd.
People keep saying that I am a brat, detached from reality and living in a fictional world where i am always right.
People say that I'm bossy.
People say I'm hypocritical.
People say that I'm rude and coldmannered.
But I never was like that.
Only the storms of time made me like this.
An angered and inconsolable soul who feels mistreated by the world.
I do not deny my mistakes.
i am still learning to understand,
something she said I could never do.
But I will prove her wrong.
I want to exact revenge on the persons who hurt me the most.
I want to earn her trust and love again.
I want the power and prestige that had always eluded me.
But at what cost?
I wonder if I can sustain myself next year again.
Somehow I miss the class now.
But somehow I still cannot find courage to face the class and her again.
I don't know why, but there is always this incomprehensible feeling in me.
I find myself being too sentimental for my comfort as well as others' comfort.
The more I want to be coldblooded and detach myself from the class,
I find myself holding onto the class and a lost love still.
I hate being a two-timer,
yet somehow I am becoming one.
These years I've grown a lot.
I've become harsher like the cold wintry wind.
I've become more motivated by a cause and sometimes vengeance.
I've taken a lot of cold shoulders from the class.
But then, I have learnt from my mistakes.
I have learnt to listen, though I find myself not listening enough.
I have to learnt to respect others, though I am still motivated by revenge and hatred sometimes.
Most of all, I learnt that I am a mortal like everyone,
And I faced my biggest challenge yet.
One that tested my will, my heart and my conscience.
I missed talking to you as a friend.
Though you said that some things that I do make you able to talk to me,
but i feel I've not done enough.
Perhaps my actions now are not enough to absolve my previous sins to you.
But I will try my best.
Going into year 4, I still don't know who I really am.
Or what is the dearest to me now.
Or what should I do to be with the class again.
But I guess that these will straighten out by themselves by then.
And somehow, till the end of all things,
I can finally be the person I always wanted to be,
and face everyone with a clear conscience.
And to someone:
"You have no idea how hard you hurt me, but I won't dwell on the past. I can and will forgive you, and hope to start anew. But what are the chances of you accepting me? I put it at 10%, but someone else thinks it's 20%. Life is like a gamble. Doesn't matter whether you win or lose yet, but as long as you still have the stakes, you will still have a chance. I hope I have some stakes left, and hopefully I'll earn your trust and love again."
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Monday, November 24, 2008
Holiday homeworks are a nightmare invented by some goddamn teacher.
NVr mind, I think i better stop moaning and glowering over such crap and just get on with life.
Bought a Chinook yesterday at Tom&Stephanie's over at West Mall. Thought i saw some ppl there, but well, quite deserted there..
Nothing much to blog about, and this damn blog is damn cold...
so pls tag. Thanks a lot buds.
"Our destinies will always be entwined, but never joined. I am not trying to earn your forgiveness for all these times, but only to absolve my personal sins to you before."
NVr mind, I think i better stop moaning and glowering over such crap and just get on with life.
Bought a Chinook yesterday at Tom&Stephanie's over at West Mall. Thought i saw some ppl there, but well, quite deserted there..
Nothing much to blog about, and this damn blog is damn cold...
so pls tag. Thanks a lot buds.
"Our destinies will always be entwined, but never joined. I am not trying to earn your forgiveness for all these times, but only to absolve my personal sins to you before."
Saturday, November 22, 2008
sigh...
dammit I am like in such a cranky mood now.
I don't know if I'm paranoid,
or even whether I am crazy or just plain left out of the world.
Hell man I said in the previous post that you exclaimed when you saw me, then you come on msn just to jab me!
say what you got freaked out by me.
WTH larh.
AM I THAT SCARY? NO CAN!!!
WALAU!!!!
WITH THAT DAO ATTITUDE OF YOURS, AND YOU STILL LAMENT IN YOUR BLOG THAT YOU ARE VERY ABD AT KEEPING FRIENDS, OR SOMETHING ALONG THAT LINE.
HELL MAN MUST YOU ALWAYS TREAT ME WITH SUCH ATTITUDE?!
WTBH...
GO BLEED YOURSELF DRY girl...
grrrrr....
sometimes I wonder if all your actions now are just you taking revenge on me for what I did to you last time.
Now, I don't even know whether you are on my side or on the class' side.
I CAN'T SEE THE ENEMY, I CAN'T SEE WHO'S WITH ME, I CAN'T SEE WHO'S BLOODY BLEEDING HELL AGAINST ME WITH THOSE TWO JOKERS.
YEAH RIGHT, THEY'RE JOKERS ALRIGHT.
DAMMIT GO TO HELL MAN.
MUST IT BE SUCH A TORMENTOUS PRESENCE IN CLASS FOR ME?!?!
AM I THAT SCARY LIKE FRANKENSTEIN?!?!
AM I REALLY AS BAD AS YOU BLOODY SONOFA*****ES MAKE ME OUT TO BE?!?!
AM I NOT SANE AND HUMAN LIKE ALL OF YOU?!?!
AM I NOT HAVING THE SAME DREAMS AND ASPIRATIONS AS ALL OF YOU???!
AM I THE SOCIAL PARIAH THAT THE CLASS LOVES TO TAKE OUT FRUSTRATION ON?!?!
DAMMITDAMMITDAMMITDAMMIT AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
right now I feel a rage, a wild boiling rage coming out from deep inside me, threatening to blow me apart.
A requiem plays over and over again in my head, as if to remind me of my own mortality.
That I am not invincible to myself.
Right now I feel my inner soul sucked dry by all this mindbattling and anger and angst and sorrow and rage that the class has inflicted on me.
At this rate, I won't be surprised to know that I may most likely collapse suddenly during PE and be in a coma for ten days in ICU.
By then, your DEAR FUCKING CHAIRPERSON AND THE SELF-STYLED BIMBO SINGER IN CLASS CAN LEAD ALL OF YOU BASTARDS IN SINGING HALLELUJAH AND BREAKING OUT VINTAGE CHAMPAGNE TO CELEBRATE MY DEMISE.
ALL OF YOU ARE HOPING FOR THAT. FOR ME TO DISAPPEAR, FOR ME TO VANISH, FOR ME TO BE WIPED OFF THIS FACE OF THE EARTH.
AND DON'T DENY IT.
I am blinded by my own mortality, my own fears, my own ambitions that I may never achieve, and I cannot tell who is my friend or my foe. I am surrounded by a forest of gray faces who tell everything but the truth to me, and even the people I hold dear to me in class may not be the angels they seem to be.
Life is a torturous one for me. I am just a normal soul hoping for friendship, hoping for honour and glamour, hoping for love, and hoping for my place in the sun. At least I don't lie to my own conscience like so many of you do.
IS A LITTLE ACCEPTANCE TOO MUCH TO ASK FROM SONOFA*****ES LIKE YOU PEOPLE?!?!?!?
A requiem of my destiny plays in my head,
The last act in a tormented life of a person never understood by people who accuse ohters of not understanding them.
This may be my last battle for my honour and glory,
I don't even know who's with me, whether they are with me, whether she is with me,
and I don't even know if I can emerge from the flames alive.
I may as well be signing my own death warrant,
and dive headlong into the flames of Hell to do battle with the demons in the class led by the serpent and the Devil.
If I die, I may as well die fighting on my own terms,
and if I go down, I will bring them down with me.
I have no soul and heart left,
since both of them were betrayed by the person I gave my heart to.
My purpose is driven by the rage and sorrow she inflicted on me,
but to the end, I will still hold her close to me,
and return as a silent sentinel to keep watch over her,
till the hands of Destiny takes me.
dammit I am like in such a cranky mood now.
I don't know if I'm paranoid,
or even whether I am crazy or just plain left out of the world.
sometimes I wonder if all your actions now are just you taking revenge on me for what I did to you last time.
Now, I don't even know whether you are on my side or on the class' side.
I CAN'T SEE THE ENEMY, I CAN'T SEE WHO'S WITH ME, I CAN'T SEE WHO'S BLOODY BLEEDING HELL AGAINST ME WITH THOSE TWO JOKERS.
YEAH RIGHT, THEY'RE JOKERS ALRIGHT.
DAMMIT GO TO HELL MAN.
MUST IT BE SUCH A TORMENTOUS PRESENCE IN CLASS FOR ME?!?!
AM I THAT SCARY LIKE FRANKENSTEIN?!?!
AM I REALLY AS BAD AS YOU BLOODY SONOFA*****ES MAKE ME OUT TO BE?!?!
AM I NOT SANE AND HUMAN LIKE ALL OF YOU?!?!
AM I NOT HAVING THE SAME DREAMS AND ASPIRATIONS AS ALL OF YOU???!
AM I THE SOCIAL PARIAH THAT THE CLASS LOVES TO TAKE OUT FRUSTRATION ON?!?!
DAMMITDAMMITDAMMITDAMMIT AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
right now I feel a rage, a wild boiling rage coming out from deep inside me, threatening to blow me apart.
A requiem plays over and over again in my head, as if to remind me of my own mortality.
That I am not invincible to myself.
Right now I feel my inner soul sucked dry by all this mindbattling and anger and angst and sorrow and rage that the class has inflicted on me.
At this rate, I won't be surprised to know that I may most likely collapse suddenly during PE and be in a coma for ten days in ICU.
By then, your DEAR FUCKING CHAIRPERSON AND THE SELF-STYLED BIMBO SINGER IN CLASS CAN LEAD ALL OF YOU BASTARDS IN SINGING HALLELUJAH AND BREAKING OUT VINTAGE CHAMPAGNE TO CELEBRATE MY DEMISE.
ALL OF YOU ARE HOPING FOR THAT. FOR ME TO DISAPPEAR, FOR ME TO VANISH, FOR ME TO BE WIPED OFF THIS FACE OF THE EARTH.
AND DON'T DENY IT.
I am blinded by my own mortality, my own fears, my own ambitions that I may never achieve, and I cannot tell who is my friend or my foe. I am surrounded by a forest of gray faces who tell everything but the truth to me, and even the people I hold dear to me in class may not be the angels they seem to be.
Life is a torturous one for me. I am just a normal soul hoping for friendship, hoping for honour and glamour, hoping for love, and hoping for my place in the sun. At least I don't lie to my own conscience like so many of you do.
IS A LITTLE ACCEPTANCE TOO MUCH TO ASK FROM SONOFA*****ES LIKE YOU PEOPLE?!?!?!?
A requiem of my destiny plays in my head,
The last act in a tormented life of a person never understood by people who accuse ohters of not understanding them.
This may be my last battle for my honour and glory,
I don't even know who's with me, whether they are with me, whether she is with me,
and I don't even know if I can emerge from the flames alive.
I may as well be signing my own death warrant,
and dive headlong into the flames of Hell to do battle with the demons in the class led by the serpent and the Devil.
If I die, I may as well die fighting on my own terms,
and if I go down, I will bring them down with me.
I have no soul and heart left,
since both of them were betrayed by the person I gave my heart to.
My purpose is driven by the rage and sorrow she inflicted on me,
but to the end, I will still hold her close to me,
and return as a silent sentinel to keep watch over her,
till the hands of Destiny takes me.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Busy week.
CCA.
Homework.
Chem tuition in school.
And a niggling tightness in my chest that just won't go away.
But I'm not a negative person.
Only circumstances can make me so.
And the holidays don't count.
Went for chem tuition a few days ago.
Bumped into some old faces.
When I walked down the entrance from the main gate,
I nearly walked into a shooting alley.
"Omygawd, it's MingJun!!"
yeahyeah, I could hear you from a mile away with that exclamation.
You know it.
guess old things die hard.
and that maybe that response was just your way of showing your forgiveness to me, since I doubt that you had exclaimed so loudly for quite a while.
Gd luck for your shooting competition.
Just don't put your M-16 on full auto burst.
ahha.
CCA starting to go into full swing already.
So-called preparing for next year's SYF.
Like I care.
since I never participated in last few SYF due to my voice.
Who says that people in choir must have voices that last for a hundred years?
I'll be lucky if mine can last for 10 years.
Mr Lee told me this in school.
"Don't push yourself too hard over the CP thing. you're stressing yourself out."
And some ppl have expressed their discomfort regarding the politicking in class between me and Yuhao.
I do understand that, and i do hope to end this battle as soon as I can.
Will be changing my online name soon. Not SA or T.H.H, but Requiem this time.
requiem of my destiny,
rising from the flames of destiny and fate.
calling for one final last cause,
and reaffirming an old alliance with someone I promised.
CCA.
Homework.
Chem tuition in school.
And a niggling tightness in my chest that just won't go away.
But I'm not a negative person.
Only circumstances can make me so.
And the holidays don't count.
Went for chem tuition a few days ago.
Bumped into some old faces.
When I walked down the entrance from the main gate,
I nearly walked into a shooting alley.
"Omygawd, it's MingJun!!"
yeahyeah, I could hear you from a mile away with that exclamation.
You know it.
guess old things die hard.
and that maybe that response was just your way of showing your forgiveness to me, since I doubt that you had exclaimed so loudly for quite a while.
Gd luck for your shooting competition.
Just don't put your M-16 on full auto burst.
ahha.
CCA starting to go into full swing already.
So-called preparing for next year's SYF.
Like I care.
since I never participated in last few SYF due to my voice.
Who says that people in choir must have voices that last for a hundred years?
I'll be lucky if mine can last for 10 years.
Mr Lee told me this in school.
"Don't push yourself too hard over the CP thing. you're stressing yourself out."
And some ppl have expressed their discomfort regarding the politicking in class between me and Yuhao.
I do understand that, and i do hope to end this battle as soon as I can.
Will be changing my online name soon. Not SA or T.H.H, but Requiem this time.
requiem of my destiny,
rising from the flames of destiny and fate.
calling for one final last cause,
and reaffirming an old alliance with someone I promised.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Bought my new crumpler bag.
Super happy sia..
Most of the stuff is at my open blog, cos this post I think I want it to be a bit more personal to someone.
You know, there comes a time where I can think of you and not feel heartbroken and angry at you.
When I can finally accept the simple stark facts that I could never have even thought of 3 months back.
But this time has finally come.
You know, sometimes I look back to the past and I realise how naive and blinded I really was to you.
And that your reactions then were perfectly normal.
It was me having the faults, not you.
I pressed things too hard, and you cracked.
I admit now that yes, I am at fault.
I never really thought about my actions affecting you although my crazed senses told me that I had.
I come to realise that I could never be with you, that you would never reciprocate my feelings for you.
And I accept it quietly and with dignity.
Because of my actions, our position with each other became untenable.
I alienated you.
I made you feel lousy.
I made you feel angry and upset at the whole fiasco that ensued after the whole incident.
People say that I am not a person given to repent for any of my mistakes.
People say that I'm hotheaded.
People say that I am unreasonable.
People say that I am thickskinned and a total bastard to the class.
But I am not like that to you.
Simply because I care about what you say about me much much more than anyone in the class.
The class didn't realise that you were the only person who had a strong enough hold on me to rein me in during those chaotic times when I was on the verge of going rogue.
You still are the only person who can hold me back.
I admit it without shame.
Because at least I knew that you would still be the barrier between me being sane in mind and me going crazy.
At least you were truthful and sincere in whatever you said, even if they hurt me.
And you criticised me without making me feel angry and bad.
Maybe you were the only reason why I had at least changed in class, regardless of how much I've changed.
You are a delightful person to talk with and be a friend.
I can tell that anyone with your trust will go to their grave with your trust, so long as they don't betray you.
I don't know how to approach you and try to be your friend.
I wish I knew, and I wish I could.
But then, the biggest barrier is you and your friends' reaction to me now.
I don't know when will gain your trust again.
But I will try my best, and time is the only thing I can ask from you.
I look back on the past between us as a phantom haunting my lonely nights.
But now, I've finally exorcised it.
But I don't know if your distrust and hatred of me will ever be exorcised in the same way as mine did.
I miss talking to you as a friend, even as a classmate.
Will you be kind enough to accept my repentance here?
And perhaps, we may still meet in the sunset and talk to each other like old friends,
As if nothing ever happened before between us.
These are true words from my deepest corners of me.
Hope you will see this, and hope you will reply.
God bless you in the future.
And always know one thing:
You don't need to apologise for everything, 'cos you are not wrong in any case.
And always live with the knowledge that I will always stand with you through thick and thin.
To Shereen.
Super happy sia..
Most of the stuff is at my open blog, cos this post I think I want it to be a bit more personal to someone.
You know, there comes a time where I can think of you and not feel heartbroken and angry at you.
When I can finally accept the simple stark facts that I could never have even thought of 3 months back.
But this time has finally come.
You know, sometimes I look back to the past and I realise how naive and blinded I really was to you.
And that your reactions then were perfectly normal.
It was me having the faults, not you.
I pressed things too hard, and you cracked.
I admit now that yes, I am at fault.
I never really thought about my actions affecting you although my crazed senses told me that I had.
I come to realise that I could never be with you, that you would never reciprocate my feelings for you.
And I accept it quietly and with dignity.
Because of my actions, our position with each other became untenable.
I alienated you.
I made you feel lousy.
I made you feel angry and upset at the whole fiasco that ensued after the whole incident.
People say that I am not a person given to repent for any of my mistakes.
People say that I'm hotheaded.
People say that I am unreasonable.
People say that I am thickskinned and a total bastard to the class.
But I am not like that to you.
Simply because I care about what you say about me much much more than anyone in the class.
The class didn't realise that you were the only person who had a strong enough hold on me to rein me in during those chaotic times when I was on the verge of going rogue.
You still are the only person who can hold me back.
I admit it without shame.
Because at least I knew that you would still be the barrier between me being sane in mind and me going crazy.
At least you were truthful and sincere in whatever you said, even if they hurt me.
And you criticised me without making me feel angry and bad.
Maybe you were the only reason why I had at least changed in class, regardless of how much I've changed.
You are a delightful person to talk with and be a friend.
I can tell that anyone with your trust will go to their grave with your trust, so long as they don't betray you.
I don't know how to approach you and try to be your friend.
I wish I knew, and I wish I could.
But then, the biggest barrier is you and your friends' reaction to me now.
I don't know when will gain your trust again.
But I will try my best, and time is the only thing I can ask from you.
I look back on the past between us as a phantom haunting my lonely nights.
But now, I've finally exorcised it.
But I don't know if your distrust and hatred of me will ever be exorcised in the same way as mine did.
I miss talking to you as a friend, even as a classmate.
Will you be kind enough to accept my repentance here?
And perhaps, we may still meet in the sunset and talk to each other like old friends,
As if nothing ever happened before between us.
These are true words from my deepest corners of me.
Hope you will see this, and hope you will reply.
God bless you in the future.
And always know one thing:
You don't need to apologise for everything, 'cos you are not wrong in any case.
And always live with the knowledge that I will always stand with you through thick and thin.
To Shereen.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Posting from the NLB library.
scrapped the class outing.
To make things clear:
1) I AM NOT TAKING OVER YUHAO'S POSITION AS CHAIRPERSON BY HELPING OUT FARRAH PASS DOWN THE MESSAGE TO GET YOU PEOPLE ONLINE. SO PLEASE WATCH WHAT YOU PEOPLE SAY, BECAUSE I DO NOT TAKE LIGHTLY OF SUCH ACCUSATIONS. IF I WANT TO BE CHAIRPERSON, I MIGHT AS WELLRUN FOR IT OPENLY NEXT YEAR.
2) I NEVER HAD ANY INTENTIONS OF GATECRASHING THE CIP AT CHOA CHU KANG. SO DO NOT ACCUSE ME OF GATECRASHING. AND IN THE END, I STILL DIDN'T GO SINCE THERE WAS SOME ADMIN ERROR IN THE FIRST PLACE.
3)YUHAO YOU BETTER TONE DOWN YOUR RHETORIC, ESPECIALLY SENDING ME HATE SMSES AND HATE MAIL. I DON'T CARE A HELL ABOUT YOU SPEAKING FOR THE CLASS OR ANY SUCH BULLSHIT. IF THE CLASS HAS ANY PROBLEM WITH ME, I SUGGEST THAT YOU LOOK FOR ME PERSONALLY.
whooh... done.
scrapped the class outing.
To make things clear:
1) I AM NOT TAKING OVER YUHAO'S POSITION AS CHAIRPERSON BY HELPING OUT FARRAH PASS DOWN THE MESSAGE TO GET YOU PEOPLE ONLINE. SO PLEASE WATCH WHAT YOU PEOPLE SAY, BECAUSE I DO NOT TAKE LIGHTLY OF SUCH ACCUSATIONS. IF I WANT TO BE CHAIRPERSON, I MIGHT AS WELLRUN FOR IT OPENLY NEXT YEAR.
2) I NEVER HAD ANY INTENTIONS OF GATECRASHING THE CIP AT CHOA CHU KANG. SO DO NOT ACCUSE ME OF GATECRASHING. AND IN THE END, I STILL DIDN'T GO SINCE THERE WAS SOME ADMIN ERROR IN THE FIRST PLACE.
3)YUHAO YOU BETTER TONE DOWN YOUR RHETORIC, ESPECIALLY SENDING ME HATE SMSES AND HATE MAIL. I DON'T CARE A HELL ABOUT YOU SPEAKING FOR THE CLASS OR ANY SUCH BULLSHIT. IF THE CLASS HAS ANY PROBLEM WITH ME, I SUGGEST THAT YOU LOOK FOR ME PERSONALLY.
whooh... done.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
class outing is in the works...
unless something crops up, should work out fine..
running the show (sorta) with Farrah now that Yuhao all but vanished from the show.
Time to flex some muscle.
And she vanished off my blogging radar recently.
Apparently vanished when I wasn't online.
Deleted her blog.
Nice one I must say.
Though I must say she made my skills at tracking much better..
BUT i am not a stalker.
So YOU PPL don't accuse me of stalking.
unless something crops up, should work out fine..
running the show (sorta) with Farrah now that Yuhao all but vanished from the show.
Time to flex some muscle.
And she vanished off my blogging radar recently.
Apparently vanished when I wasn't online.
Deleted her blog.
Nice one I must say.
Though I must say she made my skills at tracking much better..
BUT i am not a stalker.
So YOU PPL don't accuse me of stalking.
Monday, November 10, 2008
First Monday of the hols.
My gad, I should have gone to the 3H class cip on Sunday larh...
So damn fun...
And I nearly gatecrashed it last-minute...
UNTIL Mr Lee came up with a problem in admin.
So, poof goes my biggest-coup-gatecrashing-ever-pulled-off..
Gaah....
Went to watch Quantum of Solace yesterday.
Bond is so damn slick in it.
The Bond girl (some Olga dunnowhatishername) was a bit too rough though.
Like all her purpose is driven by revenge.
And rage.
I'm missing you again.
God knows when can we see each other again.
To see you smile at me.
My gad, I should have gone to the 3H class cip on Sunday larh...
So damn fun...
And I nearly gatecrashed it last-minute...
UNTIL Mr Lee came up with a problem in admin.
So, poof goes my biggest-coup-gatecrashing-ever-pulled-off..
Gaah....
Went to watch Quantum of Solace yesterday.
Bond is so damn slick in it.
The Bond girl (some Olga dunnowhatishername) was a bit too rough though.
Like all her purpose is driven by revenge.
And rage.
I'm missing you again.
God knows when can we see each other again.
To see you smile at me.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Saturday, November 8, 2008
First weekend of holidays.
Never slept so well for quite some time already.
But I had a funny dream last night, which left me a bit perplexed and spooked.
I found myself at a beach during the evening.
Then looking out to sea, I saw her sillhouette quietly looking out as well, contrasted by the setting sun.
I didn't dare go and say hi to her, so I just stood there looking.
Then I saw a guy walk up to her.
They embraced and kissed, then held hands and walked off. While I was standing there stunned.
Then I woke up.
And I felt like a part of me went empty and collapsed into dust.
Call me paranoid or egoistic or plain daydreaming, but that dream made me lose sleep for quite a bit.
I am always fearful about any guy like HIM around me or any girls, especially the ones I have a crush on.
Not that the girls are my steads.
But the sneaky unsettling feeling that some guy with a personality more magnetic than mine is around them.
Even after so long, she still appears in my dreams.
Though most of them I can't remember now.
And sometimes when I wake up, I find my pillow wet from my tears.
Even I don't know why or when I cried.
Been listening to S Club 7.
Suddenly their songs are my favourites now.
Especially "Never Had a dream Come True".
Maybe I'm daydreaming.
But I'm yearning to be with you again, even if it's only for the last time.
To see your face, see you smile, to hear you call my name.
And especially, for me to tell you that I will always love you.
No matter where you will be on this planet.
I will still be with you, looking over you as your guardian.
Sometimes it's hard to forget and forgive.
I have been hurt by you before, but I never regretted loving you.
Even after so long, I still want to be with you.
To be your friend and confidant.
To love you for eternity.
Guess I'm really daydreaming about love again.
But around you, you make me feel inferior around you with girls.
Sometimes I wish you would just disappear from my sight.
So I at least have a fighting chance at love.
Never slept so well for quite some time already.
But I had a funny dream last night, which left me a bit perplexed and spooked.
I found myself at a beach during the evening.
Then looking out to sea, I saw her sillhouette quietly looking out as well, contrasted by the setting sun.
I didn't dare go and say hi to her, so I just stood there looking.
Then I saw a guy walk up to her.
They embraced and kissed, then held hands and walked off. While I was standing there stunned.
Then I woke up.
And I felt like a part of me went empty and collapsed into dust.
Call me paranoid or egoistic or plain daydreaming, but that dream made me lose sleep for quite a bit.
I am always fearful about any guy like HIM around me or any girls, especially the ones I have a crush on.
Not that the girls are my steads.
But the sneaky unsettling feeling that some guy with a personality more magnetic than mine is around them.
Even after so long, she still appears in my dreams.
Though most of them I can't remember now.
And sometimes when I wake up, I find my pillow wet from my tears.
Even I don't know why or when I cried.
Been listening to S Club 7.
Suddenly their songs are my favourites now.
Especially "Never Had a dream Come True".
Maybe I'm daydreaming.
But I'm yearning to be with you again, even if it's only for the last time.
To see your face, see you smile, to hear you call my name.
And especially, for me to tell you that I will always love you.
No matter where you will be on this planet.
I will still be with you, looking over you as your guardian.
Sometimes it's hard to forget and forgive.
I have been hurt by you before, but I never regretted loving you.
Even after so long, I still want to be with you.
To be your friend and confidant.
To love you for eternity.
Guess I'm really daydreaming about love again.
But around you, you make me feel inferior around you with girls.
Sometimes I wish you would just disappear from my sight.
So I at least have a fighting chance at love.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Sigh...
Last day of school...
Must wit till next year to see all of my classmates again...
somehow i miss all fo you even though I may not be friends with you ppl.
sigh again.
Life is hard.
Passed my GPA by so much as a squeak..
and my physics just saved in the death...
and maths too...
wooh... what an escape...
Wanted to say goodbye to you today, but most of the time you were occupied.
Saw 2 of your friends at Ikea today. Got funny stares from them.
More random words..
stupid Chinese holiday assignments...
well at least they can keep me occupied with some constructive work instead f going on msn and youtube every single day for 6 hours at a stretch...
Will post again later in the day...
And ppl, my blog is a bit cold...
so can you all comment? Ask me stuff, or just like talk a bit..
yeah thanks a lot.
Bye.
And Farrah gimme your quiz on your blog...
thanks.
Last day of school...
Must wit till next year to see all of my classmates again...
somehow i miss all fo you even though I may not be friends with you ppl.
sigh again.
Life is hard.
Passed my GPA by so much as a squeak..
and my physics just saved in the death...
and maths too...
wooh... what an escape...
Wanted to say goodbye to you today, but most of the time you were occupied.
Saw 2 of your friends at Ikea today. Got funny stares from them.
More random words..
stupid Chinese holiday assignments...
well at least they can keep me occupied with some constructive work instead f going on msn and youtube every single day for 6 hours at a stretch...
Will post again later in the day...
And ppl, my blog is a bit cold...
so can you all comment? Ask me stuff, or just like talk a bit..
yeah thanks a lot.
Bye.
And Farrah gimme your quiz on your blog...
thanks.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Learning symposium...
watched some dubious movie about some painted skin or something spooky like that...
scared Claudia to hell when I appeared as a grinning face behind her on the visualiser...
My God, did she scream!!!
haha.
Last day of school tomorrow.
Will miss it.
But then, there's still next year to look forward to.
Plus, this long break may be able to make me come to terms with soem painful things for me.
Allows me time to forget or forgive.
So yeah, next year I'll be more refreshed, and clear in mind and soul.
And my CP ambitions aren't over yet.
No way, not by a long stretch.
Just to say here that I'll never forget you.
I'll go throught the gates of hell and back to see you again.
but will you wait for me?
Some random words again.
And woohoo QoS is out! I'm going to watch it this weekend..
Enjoy your last day of school tmr!
watched some dubious movie about some painted skin or something spooky like that...
scared Claudia to hell when I appeared as a grinning face behind her on the visualiser...
My God, did she scream!!!
haha.
Last day of school tomorrow.
Will miss it.
But then, there's still next year to look forward to.
Plus, this long break may be able to make me come to terms with soem painful things for me.
Allows me time to forget or forgive.
So yeah, next year I'll be more refreshed, and clear in mind and soul.
And my CP ambitions aren't over yet.
No way, not by a long stretch.
Just to say here that I'll never forget you.
I'll go throught the gates of hell and back to see you again.
but will you wait for me?
Some random words again.
And woohoo QoS is out! I'm going to watch it this weekend..
Enjoy your last day of school tmr!
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Apparently I am so bored that I decided to create my open blog.
Maybe I got some inspiration from some people, so why not?
Here's the URL.
www.a-silent-sentinel-looking-over-you.blogspot.com
Happy looking! :)
Maybe I got some inspiration from some people, so why not?
Here's the URL.
www.a-silent-sentinel-looking-over-you.blogspot.com
Happy looking! :)
Another gloomy rainy day again.
Well, but that didn't really dampen my mood much.
Still have a bit of emo-ness from yesterday.
Well, guess keeping me occupied with books and music can keep me from daydreaming about her again and falling into a self-inflicted depression.
Posting lyrics again.
This time I'll let my lyrics do the talking for myself on some issues.
Best to keep silent myself.
Lips of an Angel (Hinder)
Honey why you calling me so late?
It's kinda hard to talk right now.
Honey why are you crying?
Is everything okay?
I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud
Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And, yes, I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue
Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
Honey why you calling me so late?
sigh. What a beautiful song.
Guess it's the best that I can listen to now then.
Sometimes things aren't what we expected.
But then, we learn to take it in our stride.
But what if you loved someone but couldn't do anything about it?
you learn to live with the regret, but then, you may not live to let go of her.
Some people say that "The debt that all men pay is death." I say that death is not the only thing. Another debt that you may never be able to survive paying is love. Trust me. It's true.
Going off to read and play my U1PE piano.
Long time never play piano.
Miss the sound of the piano keys.
Have a good rest, relax, recharge, and remember,
"There's someone looking over you as your guardian somewhere. He/she may be close or far away from you, but he/she'll be there for you. Cherish it."
Well, but that didn't really dampen my mood much.
Still have a bit of emo-ness from yesterday.
Well, guess keeping me occupied with books and music can keep me from daydreaming about her again and falling into a self-inflicted depression.
Posting lyrics again.
This time I'll let my lyrics do the talking for myself on some issues.
Best to keep silent myself.
Lips of an Angel (Hinder)
Honey why you calling me so late?
It's kinda hard to talk right now.
Honey why are you crying?
Is everything okay?
I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud
Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And, yes, I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue
Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
Honey why you calling me so late?
sigh. What a beautiful song.
Guess it's the best that I can listen to now then.
Sometimes things aren't what we expected.
But then, we learn to take it in our stride.
But what if you loved someone but couldn't do anything about it?
you learn to live with the regret, but then, you may not live to let go of her.
Some people say that "The debt that all men pay is death." I say that death is not the only thing. Another debt that you may never be able to survive paying is love. Trust me. It's true.
Going off to read and play my U1PE piano.
Long time never play piano.
Miss the sound of the piano keys.
Have a good rest, relax, recharge, and remember,
"There's someone looking over you as your guardian somewhere. He/she may be close or far away from you, but he/she'll be there for you. Cherish it."
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Today's gloomy weather reflects my day perfectly.
Sometimes days like these really make me go into an emo mood.
I never will understand why am I so sentimental about things that I can never change , or for the matter, even achieve.
I always thought that I could detach myself from feeling for someone easily.
That I was not a playboy flirt.
That I would stay true to my feelings.
But all that now has been broken like the dark shadow of the night falling away under the light of day.
I thought I had managed to forever forget her.
To give up on her.
But I failed time and time again.
Every time I see her smile, I fell under her spell again.
she seemed so far, yet had such a magnetic influence on me.
The past troubles haven't managed to make me give up totally.
some part of me wants to give up, yet my conscience and my heart tells me not to.
And now, I face another girl again.
I could never expect myself to still fall for someone in my present state of mind.
but the unfortunate thing was: I still fell for her.
She attracted me in ways I could never fathom,
her smile was equally alluring, yet she seemed ... more ... refined and gentle.
My confused and drugged soul fell for the same mistake again.
And I find myself in love with her and her.
It pains my heart to do so,
as somehow I have turned into the very person I had never wanted to be.
Yet this happened.
Why??!!
I may never know or be able to find a way out of this maze,
but my heart pines for someone's love.
I wish to find myself untied from all my past burdens,
but I don't have a light at the end of the road to lead me.
I don't want to be accused of being a flirt,
but I simply cannot let go from these two romances.
I'm torn between my conscience and my heart and my head.
Perhaps it is better not to have any of these.
But then, I'm not a robot.
Perhaps like what my friend said,
"Some things are not meant for you to understand, and you should not try to understand."
Just some random thoughts flooding through my head now.
Hope anybody reading this is not offended. especially someone I obliquely referred to.
'Cause I sometimes really need to pour my feelings out, and there's nobody I can tell it to, not even my parents.
Sigh.
Life is hard.
Love is even harder.
falling sick soon, well at least I may not need to go for CCA this friday.
Have a bit of money on my hands, so well maybe I'll try to spend it productively.
"Only time can tell how much I want to feel for both of you. I'm such a coward for not daring to say all this personally, but I cannot bring myself to say it. Time will judge for me. But for now, I'm just a person in body but not in soul.
God knows how am I going to endure this pain."
Sometimes days like these really make me go into an emo mood.
I never will understand why am I so sentimental about things that I can never change , or for the matter, even achieve.
I always thought that I could detach myself from feeling for someone easily.
That I was not a playboy flirt.
That I would stay true to my feelings.
But all that now has been broken like the dark shadow of the night falling away under the light of day.
I thought I had managed to forever forget her.
To give up on her.
But I failed time and time again.
Every time I see her smile, I fell under her spell again.
she seemed so far, yet had such a magnetic influence on me.
The past troubles haven't managed to make me give up totally.
some part of me wants to give up, yet my conscience and my heart tells me not to.
And now, I face another girl again.
I could never expect myself to still fall for someone in my present state of mind.
but the unfortunate thing was: I still fell for her.
She attracted me in ways I could never fathom,
her smile was equally alluring, yet she seemed ... more ... refined and gentle.
My confused and drugged soul fell for the same mistake again.
And I find myself in love with her and her.
It pains my heart to do so,
as somehow I have turned into the very person I had never wanted to be.
Yet this happened.
Why??!!
I may never know or be able to find a way out of this maze,
but my heart pines for someone's love.
I wish to find myself untied from all my past burdens,
but I don't have a light at the end of the road to lead me.
I don't want to be accused of being a flirt,
but I simply cannot let go from these two romances.
I'm torn between my conscience and my heart and my head.
Perhaps it is better not to have any of these.
But then, I'm not a robot.
Perhaps like what my friend said,
"Some things are not meant for you to understand, and you should not try to understand."
Just some random thoughts flooding through my head now.
Hope anybody reading this is not offended. especially someone I obliquely referred to.
'Cause I sometimes really need to pour my feelings out, and there's nobody I can tell it to, not even my parents.
Sigh.
Life is hard.
Love is even harder.
falling sick soon, well at least I may not need to go for CCA this friday.
Have a bit of money on my hands, so well maybe I'll try to spend it productively.
"Only time can tell how much I want to feel for both of you. I'm such a coward for not daring to say all this personally, but I cannot bring myself to say it. Time will judge for me. But for now, I'm just a person in body but not in soul.
God knows how am I going to endure this pain."
Monday, November 3, 2008
I should have listened.
I should have not been so stupid.
Even when I cannot forget the past romance,
I am struck by another love that wasn't meant to be.
It wasn't that I am hated by her,
just that I had arrived a little too late.
I never thought that I could fall in love again,
but unfortunately, Fate brought me another blow.
Maybe I should all but give up,
and cry my heart out for 2 days and nights.
But my heart is a cold broken mirror,
and my soul all but shattered.
Perhaps there is a silver lining in all these times,
and perhaps I can still be friends with her.
But for how long will my heart take to heal again,
Only time can tell how much I want to feel for her.
I should have not been so stupid.
Even when I cannot forget the past romance,
I am struck by another love that wasn't meant to be.
It wasn't that I am hated by her,
just that I had arrived a little too late.
I never thought that I could fall in love again,
but unfortunately, Fate brought me another blow.
Maybe I should all but give up,
and cry my heart out for 2 days and nights.
But my heart is a cold broken mirror,
and my soul all but shattered.
Perhaps there is a silver lining in all these times,
and perhaps I can still be friends with her.
But for how long will my heart take to heal again,
Only time can tell how much I want to feel for her.
Long weekend..
went to run powerboat at West Coast Park yesterday...
woohoo...
then watched National Treasure..
even more WOOHOO.....
haha...
still haven't finished zuowen yet..
later pia already...
then go see doctor to wash my ear..
ick..
Sometimes it's hard to love someone without being able to tell her.
There are so many old rusted chains bound to your words.
Well maybe it's best to leave my feelings untouched,
and save them for another day.
emo abt love le...
stun...
I am like SO RANDOM...
but sometimes, you feel damn guilty to fall for another girl again after the last meeting with her.
sigh... I am starting to go loopy now...
SOMEONE GIMME SOME ASPIRIN!!!!!
By god,
I.
really.
need.
a.
break.
from.
thinking.
about.
her.
again.
went to run powerboat at West Coast Park yesterday...
woohoo...
then watched National Treasure..
even more WOOHOO.....
haha...
still haven't finished zuowen yet..
later pia already...
then go see doctor to wash my ear..
ick..
Sometimes it's hard to love someone without being able to tell her.
There are so many old rusted chains bound to your words.
Well maybe it's best to leave my feelings untouched,
and save them for another day.
emo abt love le...
stun...
I am like SO RANDOM...
but sometimes, you feel damn guilty to fall for another girl again after the last meeting with her.
sigh... I am starting to go loopy now...
SOMEONE GIMME SOME ASPIRIN!!!!!
By god,
I.
really.
need.
a.
break.
from.
thinking.
about.
her.
again.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
sian la...
CCA today in the morning... and it must rain like hell...
hell man I won't mind if it rained on any day at school but TODAY?!?!?! walau damn dampener lah...
CCA bores...
heard from vinnyboy(haha that's my nick for you.) that Yuhao was spoken to by either Mr Lee or Mr Lim, and was told that I will assume CP duties for Tues and Wed. don't know if it's true or not , but so far as I can see, it really appears that apparently, my chance has come.
And it may be my one and only chance, so guess I better don't bust up.
And believe me, Hell will freeze over when i am CP.
Some ppl say that I will still be the same "brat" as before if I am CP, but to reply, I'll modify a movie quote from the movie "W".
"are you trying to be a Kennedy?! You're a Bush. Act like one."
change "Kennedy" and "Bush" to "MJ the hated ostracised ticking atomic bomb" and "MJ the Chairperson" respectively.
so you'll get:
"Are you trying to be MJ the hated ostracised ticking atomic bomb?! You're MJ the Chairperson. Act like one."
And to make a point clear,
i AM NOT TRYING TO BE EDWARD CULLEN.
and I am seriously puzzled by this seemingly "coded" message that Mr Zong typed on his MSN name.
"A True Leader Rules Thyself By Head, Lead Thy People By Heart. A Headless Horseman is, but headless and heartless."
since i am the only person ever to use the name The Headless Horseman, I wonder if he's trying to imply something to me? like I cannot be CP? dunno...
My time will come, and when it comes, I will rise to my position as I need to be, and be the person that I and the class want to see.
CCA today in the morning... and it must rain like hell...
hell man I won't mind if it rained on any day at school but TODAY?!?!?! walau damn dampener lah...
CCA bores...
heard from vinnyboy(haha that's my nick for you.) that Yuhao was spoken to by either Mr Lee or Mr Lim, and was told that I will assume CP duties for Tues and Wed. don't know if it's true or not , but so far as I can see, it really appears that apparently, my chance has come.
And it may be my one and only chance, so guess I better don't bust up.
And believe me, Hell will freeze over when i am CP.
Some ppl say that I will still be the same "brat" as before if I am CP, but to reply, I'll modify a movie quote from the movie "W".
"are you trying to be a Kennedy?! You're a Bush. Act like one."
change "Kennedy" and "Bush" to "MJ the hated ostracised ticking atomic bomb" and "MJ the Chairperson" respectively.
so you'll get:
"Are you trying to be MJ the hated ostracised ticking atomic bomb?! You're MJ the Chairperson. Act like one."
And to make a point clear,
i AM NOT TRYING TO BE EDWARD CULLEN.
and I am seriously puzzled by this seemingly "coded" message that Mr Zong typed on his MSN name.
"A True Leader Rules Thyself By Head, Lead Thy People By Heart. A Headless Horseman is, but headless and heartless."
since i am the only person ever to use the name The Headless Horseman, I wonder if he's trying to imply something to me? like I cannot be CP? dunno...
My time will come, and when it comes, I will rise to my position as I need to be, and be the person that I and the class want to see.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Wake Me Up Inside (Evanescence fet.Linkin Park)
How can you see into my eyes like open doors
Leading you down into my core
Where I've become so numb without a soul
my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home
(Wake me up)Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up)Wake me up inside
(Save me)Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up)Before I come undone
(Save me)Save me from the nothing I've become
Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life
(Wake me up)Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up)Wake me up inside
(Save me)call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up)before I come undone
(Save me)Save me from the nothing I've become
Bring me to life
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)
Bring me to life
Frozen inside without your touch
without your love
darling only you are the life among the dead
All this time I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
Got to open my eyes to everything
Without a thought without a voice without a soul
Don't let me die here
There must be something more
Bring me to life
(Wake me up)Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up)Wake me up inside
(Save me)Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up)Before I come undone
(Save me)Save me from the nothing I've become
(Bring me to life)I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside
(Bring me to life)
Here's the link to the video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrH3knaiqrI
How can you see into my eyes like open doors
Leading you down into my core
Where I've become so numb without a soul
my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home
(Wake me up)Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up)Wake me up inside
(Save me)Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up)Before I come undone
(Save me)Save me from the nothing I've become
Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life
(Wake me up)Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up)Wake me up inside
(Save me)call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up)before I come undone
(Save me)Save me from the nothing I've become
Bring me to life
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)
Bring me to life
Frozen inside without your touch
without your love
darling only you are the life among the dead
All this time I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
Got to open my eyes to everything
Without a thought without a voice without a soul
Don't let me die here
There must be something more
Bring me to life
(Wake me up)Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up)Wake me up inside
(Save me)Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up)Before I come undone
(Save me)Save me from the nothing I've become
(Bring me to life)I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside
(Bring me to life)
Here's the link to the video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrH3knaiqrI
SPORTS DAY TODAY!!!!!
haha... was out in the sun like mad... until my head got so hot that i joked that I can fry an egg on top of it... then I was the flag bearer for Gryphon... srsly they should start changing and remaking their props and the mascot costume... damn tattered and old lah...
I waved to you today when i saw you, but why didn't you reply? I heard from your cca mates that you got the impression that i wanted to jio you... but seriously i have no such intentions... really i just treat you as a friend... nothing more... though i do admit that i was indeed smitten by you...
just some random thoughts in my head... you don't need to know what and who am i talking about...
listening to Evanescence's song Wake Me Up Inside... loved it since i heard it on a car commercial a long time ago...it's haunting...
and finally... WOOHOO I CAN BUY MY CRUMPLER BAG AND W890 WALKMAN PHONE!!!!!
haha...
haha... was out in the sun like mad... until my head got so hot that i joked that I can fry an egg on top of it... then I was the flag bearer for Gryphon... srsly they should start changing and remaking their props and the mascot costume... damn tattered and old lah...
I waved to you today when i saw you, but why didn't you reply? I heard from your cca mates that you got the impression that i wanted to jio you... but seriously i have no such intentions... really i just treat you as a friend... nothing more... though i do admit that i was indeed smitten by you...
just some random thoughts in my head... you don't need to know what and who am i talking about...
listening to Evanescence's song Wake Me Up Inside... loved it since i heard it on a car commercial a long time ago...it's haunting...
and finally... WOOHOO I CAN BUY MY CRUMPLER BAG AND W890 WALKMAN PHONE!!!!!
haha...
Thursday, October 30, 2008
sian...
now that eoys are over, it seems that all our minds are still running overtime and cannot stop. At least mine cannot stop yet...
which means that it leaves me with a 55% chance of going crazy within these few weeks...
starting to really get into the thick of stuff here with this CP thingy...
got a discomforting thought last night, sparked off by my recent msn convo with some of you reading this blog.
"what if my ambition and rush to be chairperson now is not fuelled by my ambition but by revenge against someone? what if I really be chairperson, would the world and the class see me as a person taking out another person simply because I have a feud with him?"
sigh... sometimes it's confusing. you think you are doing all this for everyone's good in the future in 3H, but when the road wears long, then thoughts like this start creeping in to make you question yourself. I know that my ambition has existed long before any feud, but when such thoughts come to me, i still don't know what to make of it.
I don't want to be remembered as the person who toppled someone in a spectacular coup d'etat simply for personal lust for power and revenge for some blood feud that is wearing everyone thin. I just want to do my part for the class, and as far as I can see, I want to take a more decisive role in the class. Not for personal gain though. I work for the class, not against it.
I don't know if you received my email by now, but yeah, your opinion to me is very precious. 'Cos now i have the impression that you are one of the few people i can trust to some degree. So unwittingly you become a very valuable asset to the class and me, since it seems that few people can think level-headed like you and somehow only you can hold me in check during the wildest times when the whole world seemed to be at war with me. seriously I must thank you personally, but i don't dare do anything now, since i cannot tell if time has washed the previous times of conflict and embarrasment and misunderstandings between us away. I can now just only hope that time will come.
ok enough of long rambling stuff..
for the people reading this blog, I want to ask you all some questions.
Would you support me if I ran for chairperson next year? Yes, no or neutral? THINK CAREFULLY and answer truthfully. Explain logically. relax, I won't go ballistic.
If I have already asked you this question above, just ignore it. For the rest, comment in this post. Thanks for all your advice. These are trying times for me. Thanks buds. :))
now that eoys are over, it seems that all our minds are still running overtime and cannot stop. At least mine cannot stop yet...
which means that it leaves me with a 55% chance of going crazy within these few weeks...
starting to really get into the thick of stuff here with this CP thingy...
got a discomforting thought last night, sparked off by my recent msn convo with some of you reading this blog.
"what if my ambition and rush to be chairperson now is not fuelled by my ambition but by revenge against someone? what if I really be chairperson, would the world and the class see me as a person taking out another person simply because I have a feud with him?"
sigh... sometimes it's confusing. you think you are doing all this for everyone's good in the future in 3H, but when the road wears long, then thoughts like this start creeping in to make you question yourself. I know that my ambition has existed long before any feud, but when such thoughts come to me, i still don't know what to make of it.
I don't want to be remembered as the person who toppled someone in a spectacular coup d'etat simply for personal lust for power and revenge for some blood feud that is wearing everyone thin. I just want to do my part for the class, and as far as I can see, I want to take a more decisive role in the class. Not for personal gain though. I work for the class, not against it.
I don't know if you received my email by now, but yeah, your opinion to me is very precious. 'Cos now i have the impression that you are one of the few people i can trust to some degree. So unwittingly you become a very valuable asset to the class and me, since it seems that few people can think level-headed like you and somehow only you can hold me in check during the wildest times when the whole world seemed to be at war with me. seriously I must thank you personally, but i don't dare do anything now, since i cannot tell if time has washed the previous times of conflict and embarrasment and misunderstandings between us away. I can now just only hope that time will come.
ok enough of long rambling stuff..
for the people reading this blog, I want to ask you all some questions.
Would you support me if I ran for chairperson next year? Yes, no or neutral? THINK CAREFULLY and answer truthfully. Explain logically. relax, I won't go ballistic.
If I have already asked you this question above, just ignore it. For the rest, comment in this post. Thanks for all your advice. These are trying times for me. Thanks buds. :))
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
back posting again after a long time...
comparatively...haha..
now exams over there's pretty much nothing but slacking now...
though i would start on my Chinese hol homework asap to burn off all one shot..
waiting for Quantum of Solace to open on Nov 5..
James Bond is nice...
haha..
sorry last post a bit emo le...
but srsly I am cracking at the seams...
Though there was quite a debacle today in school...
sorry that I scared you ppl off with my reaction..
and sorry to Mr Zong too...
but like what i told Farrah later,
"I fight in every land and clime, for every cause but my own."
perhaps that's what I really want to say.
sometimes it's not that we have nothing to say and nothing in common. We just choose to be blinded by our misguided hatred of each other and hide from the truth ourselves. Because it is too painful for us to admit the truth and face it. I want to, but i cannot do anything unless you all do so as well.
"I want to know the reason why. But then, I am afraid to know the answer."
---A quote from someone.
comparatively...haha..
now exams over there's pretty much nothing but slacking now...
though i would start on my Chinese hol homework asap to burn off all one shot..
waiting for Quantum of Solace to open on Nov 5..
James Bond is nice...
haha..
sorry last post a bit emo le...
but srsly I am cracking at the seams...
Though there was quite a debacle today in school...
sorry that I scared you ppl off with my reaction..
and sorry to Mr Zong too...
but like what i told Farrah later,
"I fight in every land and clime, for every cause but my own."
perhaps that's what I really want to say.
sometimes it's not that we have nothing to say and nothing in common. We just choose to be blinded by our misguided hatred of each other and hide from the truth ourselves. Because it is too painful for us to admit the truth and face it. I want to, but i cannot do anything unless you all do so as well.
"I want to know the reason why. But then, I am afraid to know the answer."
---A quote from someone.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
back again...
sigh...
sometimes i find myself crying and laughing and asking myself these stupid questions.
"Why the hell must you be so hated?"
"Why the hell must you be so ambitious?"
"WHY THE HELL must you fall in love?!"
"Why do you make your life so difficult?"
"Why must you be so antagonistic to some people? For what?!"
"I DON'T WANT A COLD WAR, SO WHY MUST I BECOME THE PERSON I HATE THE MOST?!?!?!!"
sigh...
maybe I emo le...
thinking about being Chairperson nxt year.
recently my mind has gone a bit haywire..
the past ghosts of my past coming back to haunt me time and time again.
Like a broken record they play over and over again.
I can never seem to be able to get over the trauma that I inflicted on myself unwittingly.
Especially that l'affaire.
and that guy.
and that situation.
god hell I wish i had aspirin now.
sometimes I just want to scream CAN SOMEONE JUST SHOOT ME AND GET IT OVER WITH?!?!?!
why must i live such a tortured existence on this miserable earth?
Wars everywhere, people waiting to stab you in the back when you don't know it.
And above all, HER.
god hell.
sometimes I really envy you people. you all have friends. you all have value enough for people to care for you. not me. I guess that should everyone be kidnapped then maybe i'll just be hostage for everyone else, since I have nothing holding me back. You all have friends, people who love and care for you. not me.
Shereen, I should assume that you have seen my apology below.
srsly I think we should all talk. not that there is nothing to say, but that everyone is just denial of the truth. We don't dare face each other. we don't dare face the truth. And I am tired. I have not a lot of time left.
CAN I JUST CRY?!?!?!?!!?! DAMMIT WHY MUST I....... WHY MUST THE WORLD......
sobsob........
sigh...
sometimes i find myself crying and laughing and asking myself these stupid questions.
"Why the hell must you be so hated?"
"Why the hell must you be so ambitious?"
"WHY THE HELL must you fall in love?!"
"Why do you make your life so difficult?"
"Why must you be so antagonistic to some people? For what?!"
"I DON'T WANT A COLD WAR, SO WHY MUST I BECOME THE PERSON I HATE THE MOST?!?!?!!"
sigh...
maybe I emo le...
thinking about being Chairperson nxt year.
recently my mind has gone a bit haywire..
the past ghosts of my past coming back to haunt me time and time again.
Like a broken record they play over and over again.
I can never seem to be able to get over the trauma that I inflicted on myself unwittingly.
Especially that l'affaire.
and that guy.
and that situation.
god hell I wish i had aspirin now.
sometimes I just want to scream CAN SOMEONE JUST SHOOT ME AND GET IT OVER WITH?!?!?!
why must i live such a tortured existence on this miserable earth?
Wars everywhere, people waiting to stab you in the back when you don't know it.
And above all, HER.
god hell.
sometimes I really envy you people. you all have friends. you all have value enough for people to care for you. not me. I guess that should everyone be kidnapped then maybe i'll just be hostage for everyone else, since I have nothing holding me back. You all have friends, people who love and care for you. not me.
Shereen, I should assume that you have seen my apology below.
srsly I think we should all talk. not that there is nothing to say, but that everyone is just denial of the truth. We don't dare face each other. we don't dare face the truth. And I am tired. I have not a lot of time left.
CAN I JUST CRY?!?!?!?!!?! DAMMIT WHY MUST I....... WHY MUST THE WORLD......
sobsob........
Monday, October 27, 2008
I'm Sorry (Buckcherry)
Oh I had a lot to say was thinking on my time away
I missed you and things weren’t the same
‘Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry it makes me wanna die.
I’m sorry I’m bad, I’m sorry you’re blue
I’m sorry about all the things I said to you
And I know I can’t take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go ’round
And I just wanted to say I’m sorry
This time I think I’m to blame
It’s harder to get through the days
We get older and blame turns to shame
‘Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry it makes me wanna die
I’m sorry I’m bad, I’m sorry you’re blue
I’m sorry about all the things I said to you
And I know I can’t take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go ’round
And I just wanted to say I’m sorry
Every single day I think about how we came all this way
The sleepless nights and the tears you cried
It’s never too late to make it right
Oh yeah sorryI’m sorry I’m bad, I’m sorry you’re blue
I’m sorry about all the things I said to you
And I know I can’t take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go ’round
And I just wanted to say I’m sorry
I’m sorry baby.
I’m sorry baby,
Yeah.I’m sorry
Oh I had a lot to say was thinking on my time away
I missed you and things weren’t the same
‘Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry it makes me wanna die.
I’m sorry I’m bad, I’m sorry you’re blue
I’m sorry about all the things I said to you
And I know I can’t take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go ’round
And I just wanted to say I’m sorry
This time I think I’m to blame
It’s harder to get through the days
We get older and blame turns to shame
‘Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry it makes me wanna die
I’m sorry I’m bad, I’m sorry you’re blue
I’m sorry about all the things I said to you
And I know I can’t take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go ’round
And I just wanted to say I’m sorry
Every single day I think about how we came all this way
The sleepless nights and the tears you cried
It’s never too late to make it right
Oh yeah sorryI’m sorry I’m bad, I’m sorry you’re blue
I’m sorry about all the things I said to you
And I know I can’t take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go ’round
And I just wanted to say I’m sorry
I’m sorry baby.
I’m sorry baby,
Yeah.I’m sorry
This is something I saw on shereen's blog.
hello mingjun,
regarding your recent outburst in your own uh private blog, i have a few clarifications.
NOTE: Please do not get mad. If you're going to get mad, feel free to stop reading. This post is purely to justify myself and i have no intentions of defaming anyone. K thanks.The Blog Post.Shereen I did not change my name. Richardson is just another alibi for me. And don't call me a bleeding liar. I know you want to say the BLOODY word so say it lah! And I daresay that you have another name too.. so don't attack me for going under the name Richardson. Geddit? Anyway I didn't insult anybody what, and so what if i ask about myself? I'd rather know what others think truthfully about me when i ask them than everybody trying to play taichi and clam up. If you people would just say things about me truthfully to me when you know it's me, then what's there for me to ask you under an alibi for?? I'm not an oxymoron, and i definetely treat all of you well, so quit attacking me!!
justifications.1. i dont often use the word "bloody" because it's really crude. using the word "bleeding" is my habit and it doesnt really concern you whether i use "bloody" or "bleeding", because either way, I'm trying to say that you're a liar.
2. quoting from your above uh paragraph, you said "And I daresay that you have another name too.. so don't attack me for going under the name Richardson." and "Richardson is just another alibi for me.". from this i infer that you did use "richardson" as your name. but referring to various tags, you said that you-were-not-mingjun so sorry, may i ask, ISNT THAT LYING!?
3. you say you rather know if people disliked you. however, from my knowledge, i happen to get the impression that you yell or defame those we speak truthfully. i can give one strong example. (:
for example, on one occassion which i'm sure the entire class remembers, yuhao told the teacher you used roughly an hour to complete your entire chinese paper 1. is that not the truth? BY THE WAY, roughly meant that it could be a little before or after an hour so there is no need to get so worked up. instead you called yuhao a "son of a bitch" or from your blog a "towelhead".
another example, is a teacher. even though they've been patiently trying to get as the go-between and explain things to you, not only have you not learnt, instead you openly asked a teacher to go to hell. the proof is below.
-START QUOTE-shit, Mr Lim said that the class treats me well like a classmate. GO HELL THEN!!! everytime I accidentally brush against someone, be it in person on on his/her stuff or EVEN THE TABLE, everyone must mAKE A FRIGGIN' bIG scene out of it! "OH HE'S RADIOACTIVE, HE'S CORROSIVE, HELP HE IS ACIDIC!!! HIS HAND IS DRIPPING HYDROCHLORIC ACID !!! HELP!!! MY STUFF AND THE TABLE IS CORRODING!!! HELP MY HAND AND MY BACK IS CORRODING!!!!!! " -END QUOTE-
many a times even, even though our class decides to BE NICE and try to help you change, you yell at them to "shut up" and "dont talk to you about change". may i remind you that the world is huge, and you're just ONE PERSON (no matter how loud, how strong, how ferocious.) YOU'RE JUST ONE PERSON. and you cant expect the whole world to change because of you. we're HELPING YOU but you saw it as an attack saying "you have had enough of it".
4. from your blog post, you say that you're treating us nice. excuse me, define nice? from the above 3 points, which i'm sure is well supported with examples and elaborations, there is nothing that says we're not nice and you're nice. on the contrary, it proves how you constantly shout and lose your temper at us.
I was once told that it would make a world of difference if the class changes our attitude towards you. and I daresay for all, or at least majority of the class, that WE'RE TRYING. It doesnt happen to be easy you know. Not only are we not appreciated, we get yelled at thanks, very helpful indeed.
SO IN CONCLUSION,I've justified myself.
I'm not about to start a blog attacking whoever situation because I personally think it's extremely childish. So if you want to get all upset and think i'm doing things unfairly, i do welcome you to simply print out my blog post, show it to any teacher or whoever.
If you decide on a mild chance that you're wrong and going to change, we welcome you to post an apology online and we'd gladly try to help you again. although it's going to be even more chaotic and frustrating, we'll try.
reply??
I am sincerely sorry for my recent outburst on this blog if it inflamed any anger and discontent for anybody involved in any of my attacks. I guess this is the best apology I can have now. I admit i have overplayed my hand in many matters and most of the time my anger is misdirected to many innocent people and this made everyone's position untenable. I hope my gentlemanly apology will placate any of you angry now. And believe me I mean what I say. i can choose to ignore all this, but for the sake of everyone and especially myself, I will take this seriously. So Shereen I think I have replied satisfactorily to your comments. Thanks for telling me this on your blog.
MJ.
hello mingjun,
regarding your recent outburst in your own uh private blog, i have a few clarifications.
NOTE: Please do not get mad. If you're going to get mad, feel free to stop reading. This post is purely to justify myself and i have no intentions of defaming anyone. K thanks.The Blog Post.Shereen I did not change my name. Richardson is just another alibi for me. And don't call me a bleeding liar. I know you want to say the BLOODY word so say it lah! And I daresay that you have another name too.. so don't attack me for going under the name Richardson. Geddit? Anyway I didn't insult anybody what, and so what if i ask about myself? I'd rather know what others think truthfully about me when i ask them than everybody trying to play taichi and clam up. If you people would just say things about me truthfully to me when you know it's me, then what's there for me to ask you under an alibi for?? I'm not an oxymoron, and i definetely treat all of you well, so quit attacking me!!
justifications.1. i dont often use the word "bloody" because it's really crude. using the word "bleeding" is my habit and it doesnt really concern you whether i use "bloody" or "bleeding", because either way, I'm trying to say that you're a liar.
2. quoting from your above uh paragraph, you said "And I daresay that you have another name too.. so don't attack me for going under the name Richardson." and "Richardson is just another alibi for me.". from this i infer that you did use "richardson" as your name. but referring to various tags, you said that you-were-not-mingjun so sorry, may i ask, ISNT THAT LYING!?
3. you say you rather know if people disliked you. however, from my knowledge, i happen to get the impression that you yell or defame those we speak truthfully. i can give one strong example. (:
for example, on one occassion which i'm sure the entire class remembers, yuhao told the teacher you used roughly an hour to complete your entire chinese paper 1. is that not the truth? BY THE WAY, roughly meant that it could be a little before or after an hour so there is no need to get so worked up. instead you called yuhao a "son of a bitch" or from your blog a "towelhead".
another example, is a teacher. even though they've been patiently trying to get as the go-between and explain things to you, not only have you not learnt, instead you openly asked a teacher to go to hell. the proof is below.
-START QUOTE-shit, Mr Lim said that the class treats me well like a classmate. GO HELL THEN!!! everytime I accidentally brush against someone, be it in person on on his/her stuff or EVEN THE TABLE, everyone must mAKE A FRIGGIN' bIG scene out of it! "OH HE'S RADIOACTIVE, HE'S CORROSIVE, HELP HE IS ACIDIC!!! HIS HAND IS DRIPPING HYDROCHLORIC ACID !!! HELP!!! MY STUFF AND THE TABLE IS CORRODING!!! HELP MY HAND AND MY BACK IS CORRODING!!!!!! " -END QUOTE-
many a times even, even though our class decides to BE NICE and try to help you change, you yell at them to "shut up" and "dont talk to you about change". may i remind you that the world is huge, and you're just ONE PERSON (no matter how loud, how strong, how ferocious.) YOU'RE JUST ONE PERSON. and you cant expect the whole world to change because of you. we're HELPING YOU but you saw it as an attack saying "you have had enough of it".
4. from your blog post, you say that you're treating us nice. excuse me, define nice? from the above 3 points, which i'm sure is well supported with examples and elaborations, there is nothing that says we're not nice and you're nice. on the contrary, it proves how you constantly shout and lose your temper at us.
I was once told that it would make a world of difference if the class changes our attitude towards you. and I daresay for all, or at least majority of the class, that WE'RE TRYING. It doesnt happen to be easy you know. Not only are we not appreciated, we get yelled at thanks, very helpful indeed.
SO IN CONCLUSION,I've justified myself.
I'm not about to start a blog attacking whoever situation because I personally think it's extremely childish. So if you want to get all upset and think i'm doing things unfairly, i do welcome you to simply print out my blog post, show it to any teacher or whoever.
If you decide on a mild chance that you're wrong and going to change, we welcome you to post an apology online and we'd gladly try to help you again. although it's going to be even more chaotic and frustrating, we'll try.
reply??
I am sincerely sorry for my recent outburst on this blog if it inflamed any anger and discontent for anybody involved in any of my attacks. I guess this is the best apology I can have now. I admit i have overplayed my hand in many matters and most of the time my anger is misdirected to many innocent people and this made everyone's position untenable. I hope my gentlemanly apology will placate any of you angry now. And believe me I mean what I say. i can choose to ignore all this, but for the sake of everyone and especially myself, I will take this seriously. So Shereen I think I have replied satisfactorily to your comments. Thanks for telling me this on your blog.
MJ.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
dammit...
failed physics...
sigh...
maybe i should drop it after yr 4 and concentrate on history...
maybe even take bio too!
Bio is WAAAYYYYYYY EASIER than physics...
at least for me that is...
posting lyrics again... bored sia...
I Don't Care lyrics
Say my name and his in the same breath
I dare you to say they taste the same
Let the leaves fall off in the summer
And let december glow feel flames
Brace myself and let go
Start it over again in Mexico
These friends they dont love you
They just love the hotel suites, now
I dont care what you think
As long as its about me
The best of us can find happiness in misery
(I saida) I (I) dont (dont)care what you think
As long as its about me
The best of us can find happiness in misery
Oh take a chance
Let your body get a tolerance
Im not a chance
Put put a heat wave in your pants
Pull a breath Like another ciggarete
Pawn shop im tradin em (tradin em)
Im the oracal in my chest
Let the guitar scream like a facist
Sweat it out
Shut your mouth
Free love in the streets but,
In the alley and i aint that cheap now,
I dont care what you think
As long as its about me
The best of us can find happiness in misery
(I saida) i (I) dont (dont) care what you think
As long as its about me
The best of us can find happiness in misery
I saida i dont care justa what you think
As long as it's about me
You saida i dont care justa what you think
As long as it's about me
You saida i dont care (i dont care)
You saida i dont care (i dont care)
Saida i (i) dont (dont) care (care)
failed physics...
sigh...
maybe i should drop it after yr 4 and concentrate on history...
maybe even take bio too!
Bio is WAAAYYYYYYY EASIER than physics...
at least for me that is...
posting lyrics again... bored sia...
I Don't Care lyrics
Say my name and his in the same breath
I dare you to say they taste the same
Let the leaves fall off in the summer
And let december glow feel flames
Brace myself and let go
Start it over again in Mexico
These friends they dont love you
They just love the hotel suites, now
I dont care what you think
As long as its about me
The best of us can find happiness in misery
(I saida) I (I) dont (dont)care what you think
As long as its about me
The best of us can find happiness in misery
Oh take a chance
Let your body get a tolerance
Im not a chance
Put put a heat wave in your pants
Pull a breath Like another ciggarete
Pawn shop im tradin em (tradin em)
Im the oracal in my chest
Let the guitar scream like a facist
Sweat it out
Shut your mouth
Free love in the streets but,
In the alley and i aint that cheap now,
I dont care what you think
As long as its about me
The best of us can find happiness in misery
(I saida) i (I) dont (dont) care what you think
As long as its about me
The best of us can find happiness in misery
I saida i dont care justa what you think
As long as it's about me
You saida i dont care justa what you think
As long as it's about me
You saida i dont care (i dont care)
You saida i dont care (i dont care)
Saida i (i) dont (dont) care (care)
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
sigh... another long day...
got stupid sore throat le...
Maths failed...
sucks...
But at least one thing is good.
and that is the fact that I settled X.
big time.
man he won't know how the hell he died.
In fact, I think he died already this morning.
want to play dirty? Man you got a lot to learn.
AND JOLENE STOP SPREADING MY INVITE OUT TO OTHER PEOPLE!!!!!
and SN too.
dammit...
sooner or later this place is gonna get crowded.
"What kind of peace do we seek? Not a pax Americana enforced on the world by American weapons of war... I am talking about genuine peace, the kind of peace that makes life on earth worth living, the kind that enables men and nations and to hope and to build a better life for their children--not merely peace for Americans but peace for all men and women---not merely peace for our time but peace for all time."
--John F.Kennedy
"War battered dogs are we, gnawing on a naked bone, fighting in every land and clime, for every cause but our own."
--Irish verse
"The whole history of the world is summed up in the fact that, when nations are strong, they are not always just, and, when they wish to be just, they are often no longer strong... Let us have this blessed union of power and justice."
--W. Churchill
got stupid sore throat le...
Maths failed...
sucks...
But at least one thing is good.
and that is the fact that I settled X.
big time.
man he won't know how the hell he died.
In fact, I think he died already this morning.
want to play dirty? Man you got a lot to learn.
AND JOLENE STOP SPREADING MY INVITE OUT TO OTHER PEOPLE!!!!!
and SN too.
dammit...
sooner or later this place is gonna get crowded.
"What kind of peace do we seek? Not a pax Americana enforced on the world by American weapons of war... I am talking about genuine peace, the kind of peace that makes life on earth worth living, the kind that enables men and nations and to hope and to build a better life for their children--not merely peace for Americans but peace for all men and women---not merely peace for our time but peace for all time."
--John F.Kennedy
"War battered dogs are we, gnawing on a naked bone, fighting in every land and clime, for every cause but our own."
--Irish verse
"The whole history of the world is summed up in the fact that, when nations are strong, they are not always just, and, when they wish to be just, they are often no longer strong... Let us have this blessed union of power and justice."
--W. Churchill
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
You would always have me w you.
You would always have me standing at your side.
You would always have me loving you manymany.
You would always have me.
Cheers.
Because that B is not worthy enough for you.
found this on QW's blog. I can guess what it means. And I can guess who's it titled to. And I can guess who is that B she referred to.
Anyway, there's a backstabber in 3H. in fact, a lot of them. Well, maybe not backstabbers. Maybe they're just blind murderers.
To give them something to think about:
I guess dead people don't know what vengeance is.
--James bond, Quantum of Solace
You would always have me standing at your side.
You would always have me loving you manymany.
You would always have me.
Cheers.
Because that B is not worthy enough for you.
found this on QW's blog. I can guess what it means. And I can guess who's it titled to. And I can guess who is that B she referred to.
Anyway, there's a backstabber in 3H. in fact, a lot of them. Well, maybe not backstabbers. Maybe they're just blind murderers.
To give them something to think about:
I guess dead people don't know what vengeance is.
--James bond, Quantum of Solace
Monday, October 20, 2008
sigh... class lunch today..
wasn't much lah, just going to a Japanese restaurant with mr Zong and gf pal.
Nearly ripped one of my toenail off yesterday, so was still a bit in pain when walking..
was the FIRST to reach Cathay...
nice place I must say...
UNTIL some apprentice of Sherlock Holmes started to "stalk" me from the above levels.
Apparently that girl isn't that good too, cos I heard them laugh so damn loudly.
Went playing a bit of hide-and-seek...
then saw SW and Co.
You know, I srsly CANNOT TAHAN that goddamn SW.
Big fake diamond earstud.
girly shirt.
Sweet tongue lulling all the girls like bees to honey..
god I can't stand him.
well, back to the lunch.
Went in first, then SW must sour it for me by ganging all the guys to sit at the opposite end of the table to ostracise me.
In the end the guys sat with me.
Food was ok..
liked the salmon roe sushi.
Gunned down 2 mugs of coke.
Was the only person wearing the class tee.
SO MUCH FOR YUHAO TO TELL EVERYONE TO WEAR CLASS TEE..
then everyone was making helluva racket there taking a field day shooting photos.
QW was squealing like a stuck pig in the butcher's shop.
VS wasn't much better.
Told her to keep her voice down, and she still retorted "YOUR VOICE ALSO VERY LOUD WHAT, SO WHY TELL ME TO BE QUIET?"
DAMMIT, I HELPFUL TRY TO KEEP YOU ALL QUIET YOU ALL MUST TRY TO OSTRACISE ME.
then SW took the cake..
when SN was taking some shots, he must go up and try to cosy up with, apparently in front of me. Or somehow he didn't notice me.
But she did.
Pushed him aside with one hand.
then HE MADE AN ACTION LIKE HE WANTED TO KISS HER ON THE CHEEK.
maybe I saw it wrongly, but anyhow, it looked like it.
Chose NOT to see it. chose to NUMB myself.
guess it was lucky I did.
but one part of my mind wanted to say "GO TO HELL SW YOU GODDAMN SONOFABITCH!!!"
Went outside to cool my senses.
Mu joined me too.
Thanks mate. Regardless of whether you did it on purpose.
Thanks.
Joined in for some group shots. The guys tried to make a joke out of me. haha, YOU ALL DIDN'T SUCCEED SUCKAS!!! HAHA.
Went home at 4.45 pm.
Some others wanted to stay to watch some stupid movie about a bunny girl out from Playboy mansion.
guess they wanted to be that bunny.
Especially SW.
Was sad that someone wasn't there. Supposedly went to tighten her braces. Too bad then. I had wanted to go with her today. So much for wishful thinking.
Was listening to a song by Rihanna. Cried when I listened to it. 'Cos it just reminded me of how scarred and hurt and torn my heart was now. Even after like what? 3 months?
going off. Do tag pls. Thanks ppl. God bless you, especially when you sneeze( FOR VT). HAHA.
wasn't much lah, just going to a Japanese restaurant with mr Zong and gf pal.
Nearly ripped one of my toenail off yesterday, so was still a bit in pain when walking..
was the FIRST to reach Cathay...
nice place I must say...
UNTIL some apprentice of Sherlock Holmes started to "stalk" me from the above levels.
Apparently that girl isn't that good too, cos I heard them laugh so damn loudly.
Went playing a bit of hide-and-seek...
then saw SW and Co.
You know, I srsly CANNOT TAHAN that goddamn SW.
Big fake diamond earstud.
girly shirt.
Sweet tongue lulling all the girls like bees to honey..
god I can't stand him.
well, back to the lunch.
Went in first, then SW must sour it for me by ganging all the guys to sit at the opposite end of the table to ostracise me.
In the end the guys sat with me.
Food was ok..
liked the salmon roe sushi.
Gunned down 2 mugs of coke.
Was the only person wearing the class tee.
SO MUCH FOR YUHAO TO TELL EVERYONE TO WEAR CLASS TEE..
then everyone was making helluva racket there taking a field day shooting photos.
QW was squealing like a stuck pig in the butcher's shop.
VS wasn't much better.
Told her to keep her voice down, and she still retorted "YOUR VOICE ALSO VERY LOUD WHAT, SO WHY TELL ME TO BE QUIET?"
DAMMIT, I HELPFUL TRY TO KEEP YOU ALL QUIET YOU ALL MUST TRY TO OSTRACISE ME.
then SW took the cake..
when SN was taking some shots, he must go up and try to cosy up with, apparently in front of me. Or somehow he didn't notice me.
But she did.
Pushed him aside with one hand.
then HE MADE AN ACTION LIKE HE WANTED TO KISS HER ON THE CHEEK.
maybe I saw it wrongly, but anyhow, it looked like it.
Chose NOT to see it. chose to NUMB myself.
guess it was lucky I did.
but one part of my mind wanted to say "GO TO HELL SW YOU GODDAMN SONOFABITCH!!!"
Went outside to cool my senses.
Mu joined me too.
Thanks mate. Regardless of whether you did it on purpose.
Thanks.
Joined in for some group shots. The guys tried to make a joke out of me. haha, YOU ALL DIDN'T SUCCEED SUCKAS!!! HAHA.
Went home at 4.45 pm.
Some others wanted to stay to watch some stupid movie about a bunny girl out from Playboy mansion.
guess they wanted to be that bunny.
Especially SW.
Was sad that someone wasn't there. Supposedly went to tighten her braces. Too bad then. I had wanted to go with her today. So much for wishful thinking.
Was listening to a song by Rihanna. Cried when I listened to it. 'Cos it just reminded me of how scarred and hurt and torn my heart was now. Even after like what? 3 months?
going off. Do tag pls. Thanks ppl. God bless you, especially when you sneeze( FOR VT). HAHA.
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