Have a thousand things on my mind to say. Just that somehow I cannot seem to organise them in a coherent manner.
"I always believed silence is not a period of awkwardness, but a period of peace."
"It only occurs when you're with a person that you are really close and comfortable with though. somehow you try to force a topic out of your mouth when its someone not that close so that time passes more quickly and the person will have to leave soon or something. Silence is my personal measurement of whether a person is really close to me."
When I saw that comment on one of my friend's Facebook comments on her sister's status, my heart fell pretty badly.
Would that mean that because I sms you almost every night to ask you how was your day, or ask if you had a lot of work to do, means that I really actually don't have anything in common to speak to you about and thus I am considered not close to you? Even if I did all that because I actually cared about you?
I really don't know.
I try my best not to be discouraged or angry that you said that, even if it was not meant to hurt me.
I know I may not be in RV now, but then I won't let where I am from you in real life affect anything that might happen in the future.
I remember having a convo with you recently on FB Chat.
You said that because you didn't show your true side to anyone (or the bad side whatever it is) you felt that nobody except maybe your sister or family people will truly understand you and thus no guy will "know you more than you know yourself" and thus you are not ready for a relationship.
Fair enough.
But then you say that you do that (hide most of your true character) just so to let people have a good impression of you and then you have friends.
When I heard that, I actually felt very bad for you.
I mean no matter how bad your bad side is in reality, do you really have to go to the point of concealing your bad side from others just so because you care about what they think of you?
Life isn't about living for others' views and opinions about you, and frankly I feel that in today's world such opinions are way overrated in their importance in our lives.
I don't care how bad your bad side is, even if you say that "since you never saw it before you can say that very easily".
We love people for who they are in reality, not some mask that they present because they care about their "face value" or something.
Sorry I don't mean to be harsh about this to you, but really because I care, that's why I don't want you to really be what you told me, someone "who hides 65 percent of herself from others because she thinks its bad for her image in others' eyes".
Seriously, if your friends were true friends they would not be your friends just because they don't like your bad side! If that were the case then given my case why do I still have friends like you, Zhiliang, LeeHui and some other people in RV still?
And if you think that because you don't allow others to really see the true person you are that's why you cannot accept anyone special in your life right now, I can safely tell you that one day you will meet that person that will get you to open up your life to.
If somebody is willing to actually decide that you are the person that he wants to share his life with, surely it should be easy on your part to even open up a little bit as well?
Life is more than just living for others. It's about living for yourself and being who you truly are, and not necessarily letting others shackle your true character to their definition of how their friend should be. Because such people are not worthy to be your friends if they don't accept you for who you are.
And if there is any guy that can get you to open up your life and character, if there is any guy who can be the person you can rely on in the present and in the future...
I take it upon myself to be that guy to you. I promise.
Sorry am pretty screwed up these few days.
But then I cannot afford to keep all this thoughts bottled up in me, and if I put all this up on Facebook I will unleash a hell of a ruckus that will get both me and the person I am talking about in trouble.
And if you happen to read this post, I'm very sorry if I was overly blunt in my writings.
That's one of my weak points.
But I don't conceal that bluntness because others think it is unsuitable or something.
Because sometimes we need that bluntness from others to make us really think and change.
And really, you deserve better, and you can be better.
Will visit back at school when I have the chance.
Don't forget me till then.
