Year 4's a comin'.
And this past three years have been a rough one for me both physically and emotionally and mentally.
Suddenly find myself in a very reflective mood for these past few years.

Year 1, I was just a greenhorn fresh out of primary school, living in a world where I play back hand deals, play class politics, and just finding my identity.
some of you may still remember that Madagascar thingy that I pulled off almost singlehandedly at the yr 1 orientation night.
Forgot the other classes' acts.
but then that was maybe the last time I was a childish person who knew nothing of the world though he thought he did.

1/2K showed me the dark side of the world.
Where you were a nobody, a mere statistic only for ceremonial purpose.
MY closest chances at power was at the beginning of that year.
And perhaps the only one that could have happened.

Enemies abound.
repeated visits to Mrs Look and the counsellor came about.
I got labelled as a mentally instable person, made to go to CGC for treatment, one that ahs traumatised me till now.

Trouble continued into Yr 2.
anger and animosity bred between the class and me till breaking point.
Then came my one and only coup on the class.
An act of revenge and personal vengeance to the ones who hurt me the most.
And that effectively secured me a peaceful 2 months in yr 2.
One that ironically broke my resolve to transfer to Commonwealth Secondary.

Year 3 came as a new promise for me.
A new start for me in a new class.
Met him for the first time.
a person that would become my hated enemy now.
but ironically, then he was one of my best pals.

Tried to run another challenge for chairperson again.
failed when the teachers thwarted it by appointing the two CPS.

One year of emotional turbulence.
Where I found out just how weak and fragile my heart was.
A year where I found my commitment to her tested by someone else in my school.

I've always avoided scandals from yr 1.
Since i considered my heart reserved for that someone in CSS.
until she came along.

The past half a year had been hell for my emotional soul.
I've sworn my vengeance on two of my classmates.
One who had been a friend before.
Another who thought he was Jay Chou.

My heart was ravaged by the firestorm and hell that I went through to get her heart.
Instead, now I think she hates me.
Even though i really seek closure from her,
but somehow i still cannot forget and forgive her coldheartness in rejecting me.
Now i find myself cut loose from both shores.
And feeling a funny sense of sorrow and vengeance towards the person I still love.
I feel like Bond losing Vesper Lynd.

People keep saying that I am a brat, detached from reality and living in a fictional world where i am always right.
People say that I'm bossy.
People say I'm hypocritical.
People say that I'm rude and coldmannered.
But I never was like that.
Only the storms of time made me like this.
An angered and inconsolable soul who feels mistreated by the world.
I do not deny my mistakes.
i am still learning to understand,
something she said I could never do.
But I will prove her wrong.
I want to exact revenge on the persons who hurt me the most.
I want to earn her trust and love again.
I want the power and prestige that had always eluded me.

But at what cost?
I wonder if I can sustain myself next year again.
Somehow I miss the class now.
But somehow I still cannot find courage to face the class and her again.
I don't know why, but there is always this incomprehensible feeling in me.

I find myself being too sentimental for my comfort as well as others' comfort.
The more I want to be coldblooded and detach myself from the class,
I find myself holding onto the class and a lost love still.
I hate being a two-timer,
yet somehow I am becoming one.

These years I've grown a lot.
I've become harsher like the cold wintry wind.
I've become more motivated by a cause and sometimes vengeance.
I've taken a lot of cold shoulders from the class.
But then, I have learnt from my mistakes.
I have learnt to listen, though I find myself not listening enough.
I have to learnt to respect others, though I am still motivated by revenge and hatred sometimes.

Most of all, I learnt that I am a mortal like everyone, and not some messianic presence or kingmaker.
And I faced my biggest challenge yet.
One that tested my will, my heart and my conscience.

I missed talking to you as a friend.
Though you said that some things that I do make you able to talk to me,
but i feel I've not done enough.
Perhaps my actions now are not enough to absolve my previous sins to you.
But I will try my best.

Going into year 4, I still don't know who I really am.
Or what is the dearest to me now.
Or what should I do to be with the class again.
But I guess that these will straighten out by themselves by then.
And somehow, till the end of all things,
I can finally be the person I always wanted to be,
and face everyone with a clear conscience.

And to someone:

"You have no idea how hard you hurt me, but I won't dwell on the past. I can and will forgive you, and hope to start anew. But what are the chances of you accepting me? I put it at 10%, but someone else thinks it's 20%. Life is like a gamble. Doesn't matter whether you win or lose yet, but as long as you still have the stakes, you will still have a chance. I hope I have some stakes left, and hopefully I'll earn your trust and love again."

Holiday homeworks are a nightmare invented by some goddamn teacher.
NVr mind, I think i better stop moaning and glowering over such crap and just get on with life.

Bought a Chinook yesterday at Tom&Stephanie's over at West Mall. Thought i saw some ppl there, but well, quite deserted there..
Nothing much to blog about, and this damn blog is damn cold...
so pls tag. Thanks a lot buds.

"Our destinies will always be entwined, but never joined. I am not trying to earn your forgiveness for all these times, but only to absolve my personal sins to you before."

sigh...
dammit I am like in such a cranky mood now.
I don't know if I'm paranoid,
or even whether I am crazy or just plain left out of the world.

Hell man I said in the previous post that you exclaimed when you saw me, then you come on msn just to jab me!
say what you got freaked out by me.
WTH larh.
AM I THAT SCARY? NO CAN!!!
WALAU!!!!
WITH THAT DAO ATTITUDE OF YOURS, AND YOU STILL LAMENT IN YOUR BLOG THAT YOU ARE VERY ABD AT KEEPING FRIENDS, OR SOMETHING ALONG THAT LINE.
HELL MAN MUST YOU ALWAYS TREAT ME WITH SUCH ATTITUDE?!

WTBH...
GO BLEED YOURSELF DRY girl...
grrrrr....

sometimes I wonder if all your actions now are just you taking revenge on me for what I did to you last time.
Now, I don't even know whether you are on my side or on the class' side.

I CAN'T SEE THE ENEMY, I CAN'T SEE WHO'S WITH ME, I CAN'T SEE WHO'S BLOODY BLEEDING HELL AGAINST ME WITH THOSE TWO JOKERS.
YEAH RIGHT, THEY'RE JOKERS ALRIGHT.
DAMMIT GO TO HELL MAN.
MUST IT BE SUCH A TORMENTOUS PRESENCE IN CLASS FOR ME?!?!
AM I THAT SCARY LIKE FRANKENSTEIN?!?!
AM I REALLY AS BAD AS YOU BLOODY SONOFA*****ES MAKE ME OUT TO BE?!?!
AM I NOT SANE AND HUMAN LIKE ALL OF YOU?!?!
AM I NOT HAVING THE SAME DREAMS AND ASPIRATIONS AS ALL OF YOU???!
AM I THE SOCIAL PARIAH THAT THE CLASS LOVES TO TAKE OUT FRUSTRATION ON?!?!
DAMMITDAMMITDAMMITDAMMIT AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

right now I feel a rage, a wild boiling rage coming out from deep inside me, threatening to blow me apart.
A requiem plays over and over again in my head, as if to remind me of my own mortality.
That I am not invincible to myself.
Right now I feel my inner soul sucked dry by all this mindbattling and anger and angst and sorrow and rage that the class has inflicted on me.

At this rate, I won't be surprised to know that I may most likely collapse suddenly during PE and be in a coma for ten days in ICU.

By then, your DEAR FUCKING CHAIRPERSON AND THE SELF-STYLED BIMBO SINGER IN CLASS CAN LEAD ALL OF YOU BASTARDS IN SINGING HALLELUJAH AND BREAKING OUT VINTAGE CHAMPAGNE TO CELEBRATE MY DEMISE.
ALL OF YOU ARE HOPING FOR THAT. FOR ME TO DISAPPEAR, FOR ME TO VANISH, FOR ME TO BE WIPED OFF THIS FACE OF THE EARTH.
AND DON'T DENY IT.

I am blinded by my own mortality, my own fears, my own ambitions that I may never achieve, and I cannot tell who is my friend or my foe. I am surrounded by a forest of gray faces who tell everything but the truth to me, and even the people I hold dear to me in class may not be the angels they seem to be.
Life is a torturous one for me. I am just a normal soul hoping for friendship, hoping for honour and glamour, hoping for love, and hoping for my place in the sun. At least I don't lie to my own conscience like so many of you do.
IS A LITTLE ACCEPTANCE TOO MUCH TO ASK FROM SONOFA*****ES LIKE YOU PEOPLE?!?!?!?

A requiem of my destiny plays in my head,
The last act in a tormented life of a person never understood by people who accuse ohters of not understanding them.
This may be my last battle for my honour and glory,
I don't even know who's with me, whether they are with me, whether she is with me,
and I don't even know if I can emerge from the flames alive.
I may as well be signing my own death warrant,
and dive headlong into the flames of Hell to do battle with the demons in the class led by the serpent and the Devil.
If I die, I may as well die fighting on my own terms,
and if I go down, I will bring them down with me.

I have no soul and heart left,
since both of them were betrayed by the person I gave my heart to.
My purpose is driven by the rage and sorrow she inflicted on me,
but to the end, I will still hold her close to me,
and return as a silent sentinel to keep watch over her,
till the hands of Destiny takes me.

Busy week.
CCA.
Homework.
Chem tuition in school.
And a niggling tightness in my chest that just won't go away.

But I'm not a negative person.
Only circumstances can make me so.
And the holidays don't count.

Went for chem tuition a few days ago.
Bumped into some old faces.
When I walked down the entrance from the main gate,
I nearly walked into a shooting alley.

"Omygawd, it's MingJun!!"
yeahyeah, I could hear you from a mile away with that exclamation.
You know it.
guess old things die hard.
and that maybe that response was just your way of showing your forgiveness to me, since I doubt that you had exclaimed so loudly for quite a while.

Gd luck for your shooting competition.
Just don't put your M-16 on full auto burst.
ahha.

CCA starting to go into full swing already.
So-called preparing for next year's SYF.
Like I care.
since I never participated in last few SYF due to my voice.
Who says that people in choir must have voices that last for a hundred years?
I'll be lucky if mine can last for 10 years.

Mr Lee told me this in school.
"Don't push yourself too hard over the CP thing. you're stressing yourself out."
And some ppl have expressed their discomfort regarding the politicking in class between me and Yuhao.
I do understand that, and i do hope to end this battle as soon as I can.

Will be changing my online name soon. Not SA or T.H.H, but Requiem this time.

requiem of my destiny,
rising from the flames of destiny and fate.
calling for one final last cause,
and reaffirming an old alliance with someone I promised.

Bought my new crumpler bag.
Super happy sia..
Most of the stuff is at my open blog, cos this post I think I want it to be a bit more personal to someone.

You know, there comes a time where I can think of you and not feel heartbroken and angry at you.
When I can finally accept the simple stark facts that I could never have even thought of 3 months back.
But this time has finally come.

You know, sometimes I look back to the past and I realise how naive and blinded I really was to you.
And that your reactions then were perfectly normal.
It was me having the faults, not you.
I pressed things too hard, and you cracked.
I admit now that yes, I am at fault.
I never really thought about my actions affecting you although my crazed senses told me that I had.
I come to realise that I could never be with you, that you would never reciprocate my feelings for you.
And I accept it quietly and with dignity.
Because of my actions, our position with each other became untenable.
I alienated you.
I made you feel lousy.
I made you feel angry and upset at the whole fiasco that ensued after the whole incident.

People say that I am not a person given to repent for any of my mistakes.
People say that I'm hotheaded.
People say that I am unreasonable.
People say that I am thickskinned and a total bastard to the class.
But I am not like that to you.
Simply because I care about what you say about me much much more than anyone in the class.
The class didn't realise that you were the only person who had a strong enough hold on me to rein me in during those chaotic times when I was on the verge of going rogue.
You still are the only person who can hold me back.
I admit it without shame.
Because at least I knew that you would still be the barrier between me being sane in mind and me going crazy.
At least you were truthful and sincere in whatever you said, even if they hurt me.
And you criticised me without making me feel angry and bad.
Maybe you were the only reason why I had at least changed in class, regardless of how much I've changed.

You are a delightful person to talk with and be a friend.
I can tell that anyone with your trust will go to their grave with your trust, so long as they don't betray you.
I don't know how to approach you and try to be your friend.
I wish I knew, and I wish I could.
But then, the biggest barrier is you and your friends' reaction to me now.
I don't know when will gain your trust again.
But I will try my best, and time is the only thing I can ask from you.

I look back on the past between us as a phantom haunting my lonely nights.
But now, I've finally exorcised it.
But I don't know if your distrust and hatred of me will ever be exorcised in the same way as mine did.
I miss talking to you as a friend, even as a classmate.
Will you be kind enough to accept my repentance here?
And perhaps, we may still meet in the sunset and talk to each other like old friends,
As if nothing ever happened before between us.

These are true words from my deepest corners of me.
Hope you will see this, and hope you will reply.
God bless you in the future.
And always know one thing:

You don't need to apologise for everything, 'cos you are not wrong in any case.
And always live with the knowledge that I will always stand with you through thick and thin.

To Shereen.

Posting from the NLB library.
scrapped the class outing.

To make things clear:

1) I AM NOT TAKING OVER YUHAO'S POSITION AS CHAIRPERSON BY HELPING OUT FARRAH PASS DOWN THE MESSAGE TO GET YOU PEOPLE ONLINE. SO PLEASE WATCH WHAT YOU PEOPLE SAY, BECAUSE I DO NOT TAKE LIGHTLY OF SUCH ACCUSATIONS. IF I WANT TO BE CHAIRPERSON, I MIGHT AS WELLRUN FOR IT OPENLY NEXT YEAR.

2) I NEVER HAD ANY INTENTIONS OF GATECRASHING THE CIP AT CHOA CHU KANG. SO DO NOT ACCUSE ME OF GATECRASHING. AND IN THE END, I STILL DIDN'T GO SINCE THERE WAS SOME ADMIN ERROR IN THE FIRST PLACE.

3)YUHAO YOU BETTER TONE DOWN YOUR RHETORIC, ESPECIALLY SENDING ME HATE SMSES AND HATE MAIL. I DON'T CARE A HELL ABOUT YOU SPEAKING FOR THE CLASS OR ANY SUCH BULLSHIT. IF THE CLASS HAS ANY PROBLEM WITH ME, I SUGGEST THAT YOU LOOK FOR ME PERSONALLY.

whooh... done.

class outing is in the works...
unless something crops up, should work out fine..
running the show (sorta) with Farrah now that Yuhao all but vanished from the show.
Time to flex some muscle.

And she vanished off my blogging radar recently.
Apparently vanished when I wasn't online.
Deleted her blog.
Nice one I must say.
Though I must say she made my skills at tracking much better..

BUT i am not a stalker.

So YOU PPL don't accuse me of stalking.

First Monday of the hols.
My gad, I should have gone to the 3H class cip on Sunday larh...
So damn fun...
And I nearly gatecrashed it last-minute...
UNTIL Mr Lee came up with a problem in admin.

So, poof goes my biggest-coup-gatecrashing-ever-pulled-off..
Gaah....

Went to watch Quantum of Solace yesterday.
Bond is so damn slick in it.
The Bond girl (some Olga dunnowhatishername) was a bit too rough though.
Like all her purpose is driven by revenge.
And rage.

I'm missing you again.
God knows when can we see each other again.
To see you smile at me.

watched Quantum of Solace today.
Loved it.

Maybe there's a hidden message in it for me to see.

"Forgive her. Forgive yourself."

But can I do that?

First weekend of holidays.
Never slept so well for quite some time already.

But I had a funny dream last night, which left me a bit perplexed and spooked.

I found myself at a beach during the evening.
Then looking out to sea, I saw her sillhouette quietly looking out as well, contrasted by the setting sun.
I didn't dare go and say hi to her, so I just stood there looking.
Then I saw a guy walk up to her.
They embraced and kissed, then held hands and walked off. While I was standing there stunned.

Then I woke up.
And I felt like a part of me went empty and collapsed into dust.

Call me paranoid or egoistic or plain daydreaming, but that dream made me lose sleep for quite a bit.
I am always fearful about any guy like HIM around me or any girls, especially the ones I have a crush on.
Not that the girls are my steads.
But the sneaky unsettling feeling that some guy with a personality more magnetic than mine is around them.
Even after so long, she still appears in my dreams.
Though most of them I can't remember now.
And sometimes when I wake up, I find my pillow wet from my tears.
Even I don't know why or when I cried.

Been listening to S Club 7.
Suddenly their songs are my favourites now.
Especially "Never Had a dream Come True".

Maybe I'm daydreaming.

But I'm yearning to be with you again, even if it's only for the last time.
To see your face, see you smile, to hear you call my name.
And especially, for me to tell you that I will always love you.
No matter where you will be on this planet.
I will still be with you, looking over you as your guardian.

Sometimes it's hard to forget and forgive.
I have been hurt by you before, but I never regretted loving you.
Even after so long, I still want to be with you.
To be your friend and confidant.
To love you for eternity.

Guess I'm really daydreaming about love again.
But around you, you make me feel inferior around you with girls.

Sometimes I wish you would just disappear from my sight.
So I at least have a fighting chance at love.

Sigh...
Last day of school...
Must wit till next year to see all of my classmates again...
somehow i miss all fo you even though I may not be friends with you ppl.
sigh again.
Life is hard.

Passed my GPA by so much as a squeak..
and my physics just saved in the death...
and maths too...
wooh... what an escape...

Wanted to say goodbye to you today, but most of the time you were occupied.
Saw 2 of your friends at Ikea today. Got funny stares from them.

More random words..
stupid Chinese holiday assignments...
well at least they can keep me occupied with some constructive work instead f going on msn and youtube every single day for 6 hours at a stretch...
Will post again later in the day...

And ppl, my blog is a bit cold...
so can you all comment? Ask me stuff, or just like talk a bit..
yeah thanks a lot.
Bye.
And Farrah gimme your quiz on your blog...
thanks.

Learning symposium...
watched some dubious movie about some painted skin or something spooky like that...
scared Claudia to hell when I appeared as a grinning face behind her on the visualiser...
My God, did she scream!!!
haha.

Last day of school tomorrow.
Will miss it.
But then, there's still next year to look forward to.

Plus, this long break may be able to make me come to terms with soem painful things for me.
Allows me time to forget or forgive.
So yeah, next year I'll be more refreshed, and clear in mind and soul.

And my CP ambitions aren't over yet.
No way, not by a long stretch.

Just to say here that I'll never forget you.
I'll go throught the gates of hell and back to see you again.
but will you wait for me?

Some random words again.

And woohoo QoS is out! I'm going to watch it this weekend..

Enjoy your last day of school tmr!

Apparently I am so bored that I decided to create my open blog.
Maybe I got some inspiration from some people, so why not?

Here's the URL.

www.a-silent-sentinel-looking-over-you.blogspot.com

Happy looking! :)

Another gloomy rainy day again.
Well, but that didn't really dampen my mood much.

Still have a bit of emo-ness from yesterday.
Well, guess keeping me occupied with books and music can keep me from daydreaming about her again and falling into a self-inflicted depression.

Posting lyrics again.
This time I'll let my lyrics do the talking for myself on some issues.
Best to keep silent myself.

Lips of an Angel (Hinder)

Honey why you calling me so late?
It's kinda hard to talk right now.
Honey why are you crying?
Is everything okay?
I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud
Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And, yes, I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue
Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
Honey why you calling me so late?

sigh. What a beautiful song.
Guess it's the best that I can listen to now then.

Sometimes things aren't what we expected.
But then, we learn to take it in our stride.
But what if you loved someone but couldn't do anything about it?
you learn to live with the regret, but then, you may not live to let go of her.

Some people say that "The debt that all men pay is death." I say that death is not the only thing. Another debt that you may never be able to survive paying is love. Trust me. It's true.

Going off to read and play my U1PE piano.
Long time never play piano.
Miss the sound of the piano keys.

Have a good rest, relax, recharge, and remember,

"There's someone looking over you as your guardian somewhere. He/she may be close or far away from you, but he/she'll be there for you. Cherish it."

Today's gloomy weather reflects my day perfectly.
Sometimes days like these really make me go into an emo mood.

I never will understand why am I so sentimental about things that I can never change , or for the matter, even achieve.
I always thought that I could detach myself from feeling for someone easily.
That I was not a playboy flirt.
That I would stay true to my feelings.
But all that now has been broken like the dark shadow of the night falling away under the light of day.
I thought I had managed to forever forget her.
To give up on her.
But I failed time and time again.
Every time I see her smile, I fell under her spell again.
she seemed so far, yet had such a magnetic influence on me.
The past troubles haven't managed to make me give up totally.
some part of me wants to give up, yet my conscience and my heart tells me not to.

And now, I face another girl again.
I could never expect myself to still fall for someone in my present state of mind.
but the unfortunate thing was: I still fell for her.
She attracted me in ways I could never fathom,
her smile was equally alluring, yet she seemed ... more ... refined and gentle.
My confused and drugged soul fell for the same mistake again.
And I find myself in love with her and her.
It pains my heart to do so,
as somehow I have turned into the very person I had never wanted to be.
Yet this happened.
Why??!!

I may never know or be able to find a way out of this maze,
but my heart pines for someone's love.
I wish to find myself untied from all my past burdens,
but I don't have a light at the end of the road to lead me.
I don't want to be accused of being a flirt,
but I simply cannot let go from these two romances.
I'm torn between my conscience and my heart and my head.
Perhaps it is better not to have any of these.
But then, I'm not a robot.

Perhaps like what my friend said,
"Some things are not meant for you to understand, and you should not try to understand."

Just some random thoughts flooding through my head now.
Hope anybody reading this is not offended. especially someone I obliquely referred to.
'Cause I sometimes really need to pour my feelings out, and there's nobody I can tell it to, not even my parents.
Sigh.
Life is hard.
Love is even harder.

falling sick soon, well at least I may not need to go for CCA this friday.
Have a bit of money on my hands, so well maybe I'll try to spend it productively.

"Only time can tell how much I want to feel for both of you. I'm such a coward for not daring to say all this personally, but I cannot bring myself to say it. Time will judge for me. But for now, I'm just a person in body but not in soul.
God knows how am I going to endure this pain."

I should have listened.
I should have not been so stupid.
Even when I cannot forget the past romance,
I am struck by another love that wasn't meant to be.

It wasn't that I am hated by her,
just that I had arrived a little too late.
I never thought that I could fall in love again,
but unfortunately, Fate brought me another blow.

Maybe I should all but give up,
and cry my heart out for 2 days and nights.
But my heart is a cold broken mirror,
and my soul all but shattered.

Perhaps there is a silver lining in all these times,
and perhaps I can still be friends with her.
But for how long will my heart take to heal again,
Only time can tell how much I want to feel for her.

Long weekend..
went to run powerboat at West Coast Park yesterday...
woohoo...
then watched National Treasure..
even more WOOHOO.....
haha...

still haven't finished zuowen yet..
later pia already...
then go see doctor to wash my ear..
ick..

Sometimes it's hard to love someone without being able to tell her.
There are so many old rusted chains bound to your words.
Well maybe it's best to leave my feelings untouched,
and save them for another day.

emo abt love le...
stun...
I am like SO RANDOM...
but sometimes, you feel damn guilty to fall for another girl again after the last meeting with her.
sigh... I am starting to go loopy now...
SOMEONE GIMME SOME ASPIRIN!!!!!

By god,
I.
really.
need.
a.
break.
from.
thinking.
about.
her.
again.

sian la...
CCA today in the morning... and it must rain like hell...
hell man I won't mind if it rained on any day at school but TODAY?!?!?! walau damn dampener lah...
CCA bores...

heard from vinnyboy(haha that's my nick for you.) that Yuhao was spoken to by either Mr Lee or Mr Lim, and was told that I will assume CP duties for Tues and Wed. don't know if it's true or not , but so far as I can see, it really appears that apparently, my chance has come.

And it may be my one and only chance, so guess I better don't bust up.
And believe me, Hell will freeze over when i am CP.

Some ppl say that I will still be the same "brat" as before if I am CP, but to reply, I'll modify a movie quote from the movie "W".

"are you trying to be a Kennedy?! You're a Bush. Act like one."

change "Kennedy" and "Bush" to "MJ the hated ostracised ticking atomic bomb" and "MJ the Chairperson" respectively.

so you'll get:

"Are you trying to be MJ the hated ostracised ticking atomic bomb?! You're MJ the Chairperson. Act like one."

And to make a point clear,

i AM NOT TRYING TO BE EDWARD CULLEN.

and I am seriously puzzled by this seemingly "coded" message that Mr Zong typed on his MSN name.

"A True Leader Rules Thyself By Head, Lead Thy People By Heart. A Headless Horseman is, but headless and heartless."

since i am the only person ever to use the name The Headless Horseman, I wonder if he's trying to imply something to me? like I cannot be CP? dunno...

My time will come, and when it comes, I will rise to my position as I need to be, and be the person that I and the class want to see.